


The Ghosts of Rae Earl

by AverageAlice



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Cutting, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:26:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21832156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AverageAlice/pseuds/AverageAlice
Summary: After freshly released from the mad house, Rae is introduced to the gang.  Struggling to balance a new found social life with the constant fight not to relapse, she's finding it hard to trust anyone to confide in. AU
Relationships: Rae Earl & Finn Nelson, Rae Earl/Finn Nelson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

Today was the day. After a long bout of recovery in the mental hospital, the doctors told Rae she was well enough to be released. She would have to come back regularly for therapy and doctor appointments. Though, according to them, she had made excellent progress and no longer needed to be admitted there full time.

She was nervous to leave, but her mum picked her up and things started to feel a bit closer to normal during the drive back home. Her mum banged on about the Spice Girls and other such nonsense. It wasn't until they hit a stop light that her anxiety flared to life.

There, on the back of a scooter in a group of the fittest lads she'd ever laid eyes on, was her old mate Chloe. They hadn't seen each other in ages. Well before her stay in the mad house. They used to be close childhood mates, but they had drifted to merely someone they saw occasionally between lessons in the school hallways now.

Unfortunately for Rae, Chloe spotted her. She invited her to some pub to meet all her gorgeous new mates. Rae assumed it was a pity invite, but after being repeatedly pestered she told Chloe she would be there, if mostly just to belt her up. Rae's mum started honking at the car horn. She was so bloody embarrassed, she walked quickly to the car before her mother tore off from the intersection.

She was worried being in public so soon after being released. She was nervous being around Chloe again. She was also anxious about interacting with such a large social group. Combining all three situations together made her panic flare up enough that she was already preparing her excuses to leave in her head.

Rae begrudgingly went at her mum's insistence, but had opted out of hanging out again. She had been sat across from a lad named Finn. After he got face on with her and gave her the cold shoulder, she excused herself to the loo to take her anxiety medication. It was supposed to help calm her down when she was in a panic. She felt pretty stupid being there. 

Chloe didn't talk to her much since she was on the opposite end of the table. She assumed she was seated there so Chloe could be seen making an attempt, but easily placing the fault on Rae for not enjoying herself or trying harder to socialize. All together, she felt pretty awkward and unwelcome with the large group of mates. It was everything she'd expected it to be, and more.

The actual pub was nice, though. If she had first gone there under different circumstances, she could see herself popping in every now and then. It was a total dive, but she liked it because no one stared at her or seemed to care she was there at all, really. No one harassed her or made crude comments like she was used to recieving before being locked away.

Her social anxiety didn't help matters, when it came to trying to make conversation. Or being so freshly released from a mad house for that matter. She was paranoid her behaviour wasn't appropriate for being around normal people. They might pick up on how mad she was if she brought any attention to herself by speaking.

She busied herself picking a couple songs to play on the jukebox, but didn't try to start up new conversation with anyone else after striking out so monumentally with her first attempt. After they left the pub to go to the chippy, Rae politely bid the group farewell.

The social experiment had been tried and failed. She wasn't quite confident enough to be out trying to form new friendships yet. At least she could tell Kester that she'd made the attempt and all. 

Another problem she discovered, was that she was feeling very unwelcome at home now, as well. With her mum having a new boyfriend, Rae felt like there was no longer a place for her there either. If she wasn't treated with annoyance and impatience, she largely went ignored.

She knew with her bout of isolation returning, it was only a matter of time until she fell into old habits. With the way today had summed up, she knew it would definitely be sooner than later.

The next day, Rae had packed up her backpack with a couple of books, her journal and a bottle of water. She was determined to find a peaceful, secluded place in a park somewhere. A place she didn't feel unwelcome. If she was going to spend her day alone, she at least wanted to be in a place where she enjoyed it.

She settled on the park over by the hospital. It was close enough to the mental ward that she took comfort in the location. She found a nice bench that was shaded by a dense patch of trees. It was breezy and cool, and the perfect place to crack open her book.

She'd lost track of time when she heard, "Hiya Rae! What you doing over this way?"

Rae looked up to see the lads that Chloe hung around with. Chop, Archie and Finn. It was Archie who had spoken. He was pretty fit. They all were to be honest. Archie had this geeky Buddy Holly vibe to him. He was playing open mic the night she went to the pub so she didn't have a chance to talk to him beyond introductions. He was lean with light brown hair and a friendly smile. He played the guitar with a confidence that belonged belonged on the stage.

Chop was fit in an endearingly goofy sort of way. He had brown hair, and beautifully bright blue eyes. The large gap in his front teeth made his smile downright contagious. 

Finn was the fittest of the three, but he seemed to know it. He was completely unaproachable, really. At least to her. Even now he didn't bother to say a word to her, while Archie and Chop both greeted her happily. It was like he felt it was some great agonizing chore just to be standing around near her.

She supposed she couldn't blame him, really. He was Grecian God quality fit. He had shiny chestnut brown hair you could just tell felt like silk if you were ever permitted to touch it. His eyes were inky dark and seemed to bore right through a person with his serious face and bushy furrowed brows. She couldn't tell owt about his smile however, because she'd never seen it.

In all honestly, Finn made Rae feel small. Not small in size, she'd never feel less than the blob that she so clearly was. It was more like, Finn made her feel absolutely insignificant. When she was around him, she felt like nowt about her were ever going to matter. She was completely invisible and imperceptible in every way.

They were in footie uniforms and Finn was lazily holding a ball against his hip. They must be having a match at the other end of the park.

"Oh, Hiya lads." Rae greeted shyly. She couldn't help the blush that came with talking to fit lads she barely knew. "Not with the girls today?" _Shut your twat mouth, Rae. Don't embarrass yourself. Stop while you're ahead. You're utter bollocks at small talk._

"Nah, weren't meeting them until after footie." Chop explained. "Oi! You should come to the Swan later. Izzy were gutted she didn't get to properly talk to ya."

"Oh. Um." Rae took a moment to think what to say. These fit lads were inviting her to hang with them again. Of course she wanted to go, but. "Is it sound with Chloe ya reckon?"

"Who cares, you're mates ain't ya?" Archie laughed. "Besides, she's not inviting ya, we are. We'll be there round seven, yeah?"

"Yeah." Rae smiled shyly at the ground. She didn't want to step on any toes. When Chloe was friendly she was all right. If she were upset wi' someone she were a right terror. She felt like Chloe didn't really want her around again, but all the lads seemed not to mind and she couldn't think of a good excuse not to. "Yeah, all right. Seven then. G'luck wi' your footie match."

When she looked up, she hadn't meant to, but had glanced directly at Finn. This was the first time she'd ever looked Finn in the eyes. They made alarms sound in her chest cavity. Her lungs seem to inflate like balloons so she couldn't take a breath. Those dark bottomless orbs crawled all over her and left a trail of panic and anxiety in every place they touched.

Her smile fell and her eyes dropped back to the ground. "Right then, better go." she mumbled softly as she turned and quickly scurried off in the opposite direction.

"That has got to be the most timid lass I ever seen in me whole bleedin life, mates." Chop shook his head in awe as they watched her walk away.

"What's she like then, Finn? You was sittin next to her weren't ya?" Archie asked.

"Quiet I s'pose." Finn shrugged and took off toward the footie field.

"Oh, I get it." Chop laughed. "She attempted to talk you ya, you said nowt and now she feels unwelcome. That about sum it, then?"

"Belt up Chop, ya knobhead!" Finn scowled. "She could've chatted up someone else."

"Right Finn, bird that shy? I'm sure she was really chatting you up." Archie rolled his eyes. "I was helping out wi' open mic all night. You were the only one sitting near her. Fuck's sake mate, no wonder she didn't join us at the chippy. She probably thinks we're a right lot of arseholes."

"How is this my fault all a sudden?" Finn scoffed. "You got such a problem wi' how I behave then you sit next to her."

"Hey why you think she asked about Chloe like that?" Chop asked. "Wouldn't Chloe want to hang wi' her mate?"

"Dunno. Not like we've really known Chlo all that long neither. Probably just being polite or summat." Archie suggested.

Chop shrugged. "Well let's try to make her feel welcome this time round. Izzy ain't got many girlfriends and she gets downright fucking naggy bout it. She'll murder me if we run Rae off twice in a row."

***

Seven o'clock had come and went. She was anxious about meeting the gang without clearing it with Chloe first, but they said they wanted her to come. Rae got a late start as she was going back and forth about it, but people are fashionably late all the time, right? It was going on half past by the time she arrived at the pub.

"Oi! Raemundo!" Chop cheered when he saw her looking round the pub for them.

Raemundo? This lad must already be a few rounds deep. "Hiya everyone. How was the match then?"

"We won by two points." Archie said, which was met by cheers from the table. "Might be we started early with the celebration." he laughed.

"Nice one, lads." Rae smiled to the group as she sat down at the table. She was next to Finn, but it was the only seat left at the table. At least this time she didn't have to look directly at him. She didn't think she could handle that after what happened with him earlier that afternoon.

Izzy and Chop sat across the table from her, and Chloe was sitting on the other side of Finn. That left Archie, who was sitting across from Chloe.

"I didn't think you'd be coming Rae." Chloe said pointedly. "You're quite late."

"Oh, right. I was helping me mum wi' some stuff." Rae lied vaguely.

"So, Rae!" Izzy beamed with excitement, changing the subject. "Will you be going to the college with us in the fall?"

Chloe interrupted as Rae was about to speak. "Doubtful." she snorted. "Weren't at school for months last term. Probably have to do a repeat, I imagine. Won't you, babes?"

Rae blushed a deep scarlet of shame and embarrassment. Chloe didn't know what was going on wi' her studies. She kept up her lessons in the mental ward. All the kids did that lived there. This was Chloe being nasty because she didn't ask her permission to be here with her new mates. She had hoped it wouldn't be like this tonight, but here they were. Chloe were only ever nice if there were summat in it for her.

"I'm current in my lessons." she said quietly. "It'll be my first year at college this autumn." she smiled shyly at Izzy.

Izzy bounced up and down in her seat clapping. "That's another one for my year, lads!" she positively squealed. "Oh, we're going to have so much fun, Rae!"

"She thinks she's going to be stuck all by herself next term, being a year lower than the lads." Chop rolled his eyes.

Rae couldn't help but smile softly. The grin radiating from Izzy's face was contagious.

"My shout." Archie announced. "What would you like, love?" he asked Rae.

"Oh. Um. I don't really...maybe a just a water or a fizzy drink if they have it?" she suggested.

"Coming right up." he winked which caused a pretty blush to tint Rae's cheeks again.

"You don't drink?" Izzy asked.

"Oh, well I've never, I mean I'm not apposed to it. I just never have before." Rae stammered.

The night was pretty fun for Rae, all things considered. She adored Izzy. Chop and Archie were a great laugh as well. Best of all, they actually seemed to like her. Toward the end of the evening, she was even invited to another night out. 

Soon the night turned into a week. The week turned into a month, and nearing a third way through the summer, Rae found herself part of a group of mates that didn't seem to mind that she spent her free time with them.

Well, almost all of them. Chloe always stayed fairly cool toward her since that first day she bumped into the lads, and Finn still didn't talk to her either. She was polite to him, though. Or at least tried not to treat him differently than the rest of the group, even though she may as well not exist in his world. 

She would always greet him with a smile, or make sure she gave him a wave goodnight as she was leaving. She would do that for anyone because she knew how awful it felt when she seemed invisible. Rae never bothered him beyond that though. It was one thing to be polite, but she wasn't stupid enough to stick around and poke the bear.

He really only talked to the lads. She understood perfectly that they were in the same social group, but he wasn't interested in being mates with her. She respected that people just might not like her. The last year of her life taught her that all too well. She wasn't one to try to force people into her life that didn't want to be there.

Rae had excused herself from the table to use the ladies room. As she got to the corridor to turn toward the loo, a group of girls ran into her and practically knocked her over. "Oh my god! Mary, you've got fat on you! We're going to have to get you quarantined." a shrill voice gasped and laughed with glee.

"For fucks sake, I thought we were finally rid of you." another girl drunkenly growled, eying Rae with disgust. "Why are you even here you mingy cow? This is where people go to have fun, not flee from in horror."

It were girls from Rae's old high school. It was foolish of Rae to think she'd never see them again. She never saw people she knew at the pub so she hadn't realized when she became comfortable there and let her guard down so thoroughly. 

Unconsciously, she had been taking steps away from them as they were railing into her, when she nearly tripped and toppled over summat behind her. Strong arms shot out and held her upright. She turned to see what, or rather who, she had run into, and came face to face with Finn.

Rae's face instantly paled in horror before flushing again with shame. "I'm so sorry Finn!" she stammered with wide eyed embarrassment. "I didn't mean to--"

"Oh my god, gross!" she heard a girl giggle and scoff behind her.

She stepped back away from Finn, mindful not to touch him, accept his help, or do owt else around him. She flinched away from his hand when she realized she was probably too close to him than he would have preferred. The only thing she could acknowledge in that moment was shame and self disgust. "I need some air." she whispered, though it didn't matter. Her throat was so tight that no sound came out before promptly fleeing out through the beer garden door.

That was the first time since she'd met the gang that she didn't wish them all a goodnight. It was the first time she'd disappeared from them for days. The first attempt she'd made to completely ghost the gang. They were better off without her around.

***

"Please at least take Chloe's call, love." Linda begged, clearly wanting her daughter to socialize. "Get somebody to get you out of here and stop this loafing about! Karim and I wouldn't mind a bit of privacy."

Chloe was the last person she wanted to talk to. She always told Rae how much she understood her problems because her sister used to be a half stone overweight when she were fifteen. Then she would proceed to tell her how boys don't like looking at fat girls. She couldn't take listening to the speech right now.

She had almost knocked Finn over and squished him to death with her fatness. All the while people were pointing out how fat and disgusting she were. She wanted to die. 

Finn kept his distain for her in check enough to allow her to express basic greetings in his direction. That didn't mean he would tolerate her pawing all over him when he was on his way to the loo.

Her social life was over. She could never face the gang again. She had been curled up in her bed for days, and this is where she would remain until she died of starvation.

A few hours later Rae thought she heard some rattling noises outside the house. At first she thought it were the wind, but the noise got a bit louder and she heard her window open. She was terrified. Someone was breaking into her house through her window. She couldn't turn around, her fear had thoroughly petrified her.

"Everyone misses you." she heard a low, deep voice softly speak. "They don't know why you won't hang out with them anymore or take their calls."

She turned her head, startled the intruder must be someone she knew. She didn't recognize the voice as anyone familiar. There, in the middle of her sun fading bedroom, stood Finn Nelson. The star of the torture film she'd played on repeat in her brain for the last six days.

She tried to speak, but for the life of her couldn't get any thoughts to form. Her throat was constricted in fear and humiliation anyway, so it didn't really matter if she couldn't think straight. 

"I'm heading to the pub now. You don't have to go." he shrugged. "But you'd be doing me a solid keeping them bird's chirping out of the lad's ears." and with that he was gone, straight back out the window. She had a sneaking suspicion he was pretty well practiced at sneaking in and out of girl's bedroom windows.

He must not have told the gang what happened. Maybe there was a chance Izzy still liked her. After quite the internal debate, Rae took a quick shower and ran a brush through her hair. She tried to swallow down her nerves, but they were still very loud as she opened the door to the Swan.

When she rounded the corner to go to their usual table, she heard cheering that startled her out of her skin. Looking around to see what the fuss was about, she realized it was her mates. The cheering was for her. "Oh! Get off, get off!" she squeaked out a small huff of laughter as Chop and Izzy came up to hug her. 

"Where ya been Rae?" Chloe asked pointedly. She seemed like she was only pretending to be happy to see her, and not doing a very great job of it. It made Rae paranoid if she should really be there.

Maybe Finn was taking the piss as payback for nearly crushing him to death. She felt out of place now and her skin itched. She wanted to go back home. "Oh, just caught up with some personal stuff. Nothing worth mentioning." Rae confessed quietly. 

"Archie, Finn." she nodded politely to both in turn. "Hello lads."

***

Finn watched Rae walk into the pub. He could tell she was nervous. He had to tip his hat to her for actually showing up. No one had heard a peep from her all week. They were all extremely worried when she left the pub the other night without a word.

He didn't tell the gang about them horrid girls. That was summat that was her's. Finn had no right to retell summat so personal about someone. Not that he would, even if it wasn't deeply personal. He hated gossip. And talking.

He told himself the only reason he wanted Rae to come back to the pub was so he didn't have to listen to everyone banging on about why she weren't there. After a couple days, however, he was surprised to find he actually missed her presence. 

She was always so polite and cheery. Not in a sickly sweet, annoying girl way, though. It was odd. She would always annoy him with a greeting and then it was this constant pulsing buzz the rest of the night that came from her direction. It was like summat washed over him and made feel better just being around it.

That was the first thing he noticed that was gone when she left. He felt quicker to annoyance, which let's face it, he needed all the help he could get with that. He didn't immediately connect that nice feeling to Rae though. He noticed the change right away, but didn't connect it until much later.

It was probably around the time he realized he missed her stupid little greetings and farewells. He did a good job ignoring her when she were banging on, but. When she wasn't actually there to ignore, it left a big empty quandary in Finn's thoughts as to why he was feeling so off balance these past few days.

That silly, nervous bird wormed herself into his brain and smeared her cheery goobers all over it. Of course he was annoyed to all ends because of it. However, once the grumpiness cleared away he realized he was in no better position than his mates. He actually missed having her about.

That led to other thoughts he didn't want to dwell on. Had she just stayed with the gang and not disappeared, he wouldn't have thought on it one bit, or her. More specifically, the last time he'd seen her at the pub.

Her face. Her eyes more than owt, held such torment that night. Those sodding bints that were harassing her made Rae's entire personality change. She went from a warm, bubbly, happy girl to a closed off, miserable, tortured husk.

He didn't catch everything they'd said to her, but it was enough to know it would properly gut anyone it was directed towards. He didn't fault the personality shift. He couldn't stand people who did that sort of thing. Finn wasn't much of a talker, so to waste your words on being cruel for nowt was never summat Finn was impressed by.

To think those slags tried to flirt with him after driving Rae from the pub was yet another reason he thought birds were utterly worthless beyond sticking his cock into. And even then, birds were rarely worth even that amount of effort.

"Archie, Finn. Hello lads." he heard a familiar voice say. He didn't look up or respond. Summat twitched inside his chest. Like an itch. A buzz. Ah, yes, there it was. That buzzing was back.

***

"You're being a tad dramatic, wouldn't you say?" Chloe asked Rae in the loo. She was watching Chloe reapply her eyeliner.

"You what?" she hadn't said hardly a thing all night. She was too nervous to draw any attention to herself. What did she do that was so dramatic?

"Oh please." Chloe rolled her eyes. "Six days dealing with _personal stuff_? You're all the gang would bang on about. It was beyond nauseating."

"Oh, sorry." Rae said. She wasn't exactly sure how to respond to that.

"Whatever." Chloe said in a bored tone. "Just try not to annoy me for this long again. It's really quite tiresome at your age, Rae." she scolded as she opened the door and left her alone in the loo.

Rae really just wanted to go back home. Chloe would never forgive her if she left again after just telling her how annoyed it made her, though. Then where would she be? Out in the world completely alone, which would have her begging for summat as small as just a relapse to deal with. Rae took a deep breath and swallowed down her anxiety medication before opening the door and rejoining her mates at the table.

Chloe proceeded to make subtle digs at Rae all throughout the evening until Rae felt it had been an acceptable amount of time after arriving to make her leave. The entire evening was spent literally sitting at the edge of her seat. 

She felt like a caged animal, her eyes nervously scanning the room every few moments. Her head would snap to the front door every time she heard the hinges squeak open. She were ready to flee at the first sign of any conflict.

She had hardly spoken a word all evening. She were afraid to draw any attention to herself and she felt too nervous to not feel restless. Even her drink had remained untouched throughout her stay. She didn't order it, but one of the lads brought it over for her. She just felt too frightened at the thought of being included.

"Goodnight Finn." Rae voiced softly before she stood from the table. She made her way towards the door and into the cool evening air. The tightness in her chest had finally loosened it's grip.

***

Rae didn't come to the pub as often as she had before. Hardly ever, in fact. Chloe had been saying rude remarks to her all week that Rae had tried to ignore. It was easier to let Chloe have her tantrum than to fight with her. Though, it was even easier not to be there at all.

Rae still put in her time, as to not sever friendships with anyone. She truly did adore Izzy. She endured Chloe's relentless abuse repeatedly to be able to bask in Izzy's warmth and kindness.

"Are you even listening to me, Rae?" Chloe scolded through the mirror as she reapplied her lipstick. 

"Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry, you what?" Rae asked. She had been lost in thought.

Chloe rolled her eyes. "What am I, too boring for you since I'm not one of your new flashy mates from the gang? So worthless. I wish you would have just stayed gone." she scowled.

"You...what?" Rae squeaked. It appeared Chloe was finally making her feelings heard.

Chloe had made it clear that Rae wasn't welcome in the gang any longer. No matter what the others told her, they were just being polite. They were Chloe's mates first and Rae was welcome to jog on. They just didn't have the heart to tell her that they only tolerated her being around because they were too kind to exclude anyone.

Rae wasn't having one of the best of weeks on top of all the Chloe drama to begin with. Her mum and Karim had been, if possible, even more loud and frequent than usual. Linda demanded more privacy, and made her feel increasingly isolated at home.

Now that Rae had been spending some time with her mates again, Linda took that to mean her daughter was fixed up proper and all. When Rae was home she was all but ignored, but couldn't sleep or focus. The noise her mum was making with the new illegal immigrant housemate had reached record levels.

Rae was tired and cranky. To be honest, even before telling her how unwelcome she was, Chloe's constant passive agressive comments were taking their toll. It was all really spiteful and she'd be a liar if she said they didn't hurt her feelings. 

Rae stood upright from leaning against the basin next to Chloe. Without turning back, she quietly left the loo. From the loo, she went out the beer garden door and didn't bother to return. 

This was the second time Rae completely disappeared.


	2. Chapter 2

The first appointment after leaving the mad house was sort of bittersweet. She wanted to remain optimistic with her outlook, even though the anxious buzzing in her chest swelled up like a panic filled balloon.

The appointment today however, after being told not to hang around the gang anymore, was more than a bit melancholy.  
Everything felt hopeless and it seemed to her that no amount of talking it out was going to fix that. She asked Kester if she could come back to the mad house but he had refused.

She didn't fit in anywhere. They wouldn't let her stay admitted because they claimed she were too mentally and emotionally healthy to occupy a much needed bed there. 

Mum never paid attention to her, what with her new boyfriend. Unless it was to yell at her about the food in the house she'd eaten. Not binging on food, she'd be in for it if she ate any food in the house. So in the end, Rae found it easier to take a page out of Tixie's book, and simply stopped eating.

She also didn't have any friends. Tixie had taken to scolding her. She didn't understand why Rae wanted to come back. She didn't realize Rae had felt even worse than she did that night so long ago that landed her there in the first place.

Then there was Chloe. At one time Chloe was Rae's only mate. Rae got bullied and teased mercilessly by the rest of the students in school. She didn't blame Chloe for wanting to distance herself, but it left Rae alone and defenseless in a school full of psychopaths. Now Chloe had enough of her again, and the gang seemed to have only been humouring her the entire time she thought they were friends. It turned out that they didn't want nowt to do with her either.

It seemed the only logical thing to do would be to start cutting herself again. It would fix everything. She would be unwell enough to go back to the mad house and get out of her mum and Chloe's hair all in one go. If they still wouldn't take her back, she'd have to try summat a bit more more permanent. No one would ever have to worry about her ruining their lives anymore.

***

Finn had been thinking on Rae a lot lately. More specifically, the night she disappeared. Again.

She went to the loo with Chloe and then Chloe came back alone. She either said summat or did summat to cause Rae to leave. She would have said goodnight to him if summat didn't upset her enough to leave before coming back to the table. That's how she was. She were thoughtfully predictable in that way. Not only that, she left her bag and jacket behind. Wouldn't those be important to her?

Rae was cripplingly shy around most people. What possible threat could she be to Chloe? The whole thing puzzled Finn. Rae was such a sweet girl. The jukebox songs she chose weren't boy bands either. Those two things alone were major check marks on his pro list when it came to what he tolerated in people.

The next day again found the gang at the pub. They didn't do much else, really. "Hey Chloe," Finn started, interrupting her chattering on wi' Izzy. "Why do you s'pose Rae stopped hanging out wi' us?"

"You what?" Chloe asked in shock. That wasn't a question she had been expecting Finn of all people to ask. He never talked directly to her, but to ask about Rae? Odd to say the least.

"Oh, that." Chloe said, rolling her eyes. "Rae's a total flake. It'd been so long since I seen her I thought maybe she'd changed. She's still the same old Rae though."

"What you mean?" Chop asked.

"Well she's always disappearing and that." Chloe explained. "Like she did before. I didn't want to say owt about it when it seemed she were getting on with you lot and all. Not to mention her massive victim complex." she added as an afterthought.

"That's a bit harsh, innit? I thought you two were mates?" Izzy said.

"We were. We drifted apart last year and then she disappeared from school early winter." Chloe explained. "When I saw her that day in the car, I thought it would be nice to catch up. See if she put all the drama behind her."

"What's a victim complex?" Chop asked.

Chloe rolled her eyes again. "She would bang on about so and so harassing her. Or someone nicking her clothes from the locker room when she were showering. Someone dumping her lunch tray over her head. Stuff like that." she told them.

"She was always making up stories so she didn't have to take any responsibility for herself." she explained. "Like one day she said some lass in one of her classes cut her ponytail off. She'd rather blame someone else, than just admit to me she got a lousy haircut!"

That didn't seem right at all. Finn was witness to several birds in this very pub harassing her, and she didn't say fuck all about it to nobody. He also knew that was the reason for her first disappearance. Not because she was a flake. Summat didn't add up about Chloe's story.

"Maybe she actually was getting bullied?" Archie suggested. "She's pretty shy, after all.

"Nah, she just wants the attention," she said, "and none of it's ever her fault." Chloe calmly took a sip of her drink.

The girl too timid to even look him in the eye was an attention seeker? Not bloody likely. Finn exchanged sceptical looks with Chop and Archie. Whoever Chloe was talking about, that wasn't the Rae he'd met.

After he left the pub, Finn found himself outside Rae's window yet again. When he reached the small bit of roof, he was going to slide her window open when summat inside flashed in the moonlight and caught his eye.

He looked into the room and Rae was sitting up on her bed. Her feet were on the floor and she was holding summat in her hand. As it caught the light, he realized whatever she was holding was what distracted him before. 

He almost opened the window again when he saw her look down, and then he noticed it. Blood. Lots of it. It had pooled up and ran down the sides of her leg. He could see a steady drip collecting onto the towel on the floor.

Rae held the shiny object in her hand down to her leg and once she started moving it, he deduced it was a razor blade. She was using it to cut herself. What a curious creature this Rae Earl was.

He opened the window and quietly crept inside. She still hadn't noticed him, which he found surprising. He had climbed through her window. He couldn't have been that quiet. 

He leaned up on the corner of Rae's desk, setting down her jacket and backpack he'd been carrying around in his car. Finn silently watched the odd ritual she was performing. Her eyes were closed and her head was facing up toward the ceiling. He had to admit, if you ignored the whole bloody dripping leg bit, she looked strangely beautiful sitting there like that. Blissful. 

"Why do you do that?" he asked softly.

Rae's eyes shot open in a panic as the razor blade dropped to the floor. She was mortified. "Oh my god! What are you doing in my room?" she squeaked. She was nearly in tears as she scrambled to reach for a cloth to clean her leg up.

"I wanted to talk to you, and return your things you forgot at the pub." he shrugged. "But now this has me curious." he pointed to her leg with a fag pressed between his fingers, right before he lit it. "Is it like, therapy or summat?" he inhaled. "It looked like it made you feel good." exhaling a long trail of smoke.

"Are you takin the piss?" she scowled.

"No. Not at all. I was just curious." he shrugged. "Like, what's the purpose?" he asked sincerely.

Rae was too ashamed to look at him. She couldn't believe someone not only witnessed her cutting, but it was her first long fought relapse. "Why are you here?" she asked again, miserably. Her face buried in her hands.

"Why'd you really leave the pub?" he asked, taking another drag of his fag. "Was it Chloe?"

She looked up at him in shock, meeting his eyes before turning away just as quickly. She didnt understand the feelings that went along with looking into those bottomless orbs. They were foreign and terrifying. She didn't want to unpack them when she still had a entire suitcase full of baggage currently out on the table.

"I, um." she didn't know what to say. If she said yes then it would cause a rift in her friendship with the gang. If she said no, then she'd be lying. She wasn't sure if she could lie to Finn. Not because they were suddenly close friends and all. It was because she didn't think she were physically capable.

Finn was a moody, brooding, silent man. He rolled his own fags and drove a motorbike and wore a leather jacket. He was sex on legs and disgustingly intimidating.

More than that however, his voice felt hypnotic. He was dominant and serious and those eyes--they did summat to her. When she looked into them she felt like one of those dogs that instantly rolled onto their back to show their belly in submission. You know the ones. The ones that rapidly wag their tail wee all over themselves.

"I shouldn't probably talk about Chloe." she said. "She don't like people talking behind her back. Besides, why does it even matter? I'm not in anyone's business." That's as good as he were getting from her. He didn't need to see how pathetic she was. Or how hurt she was by their rejection of her.

"Soz, I was just curious. You never came back after talking to her." he ventured.

"Right." she agreed curiously, as though the reason should have been obvious to him.

"You don't like Izzy anymore, then?" he asked.

"Of course I like Izzy!" she blurted before she could stop herself. She didn't need to admit to him that she still adored the lot that wanted nowt to do with her.

"So why not join her at the pub?"

"You ask a lot of questions for someone who never really talked to me before." She didn't say it in an accusatory way, just as an observation. He made her skin itch. Being under this much scrutiny. She didn't understand his intentions.

"I don't know Chloe that well, really." Finn admitted. He was looking at all the posters on her walls and picking up all the bits and bobs on her desk, examining them. "She's more Izzy's mate than us lads. They took some class together a couple months back and she's been hanging round ever since."

She didn't know why he was telling her this. She was at a loss at how to respond to it. If her leg didn't hurt so bad at the moment, she probably would have left the room by now.

Even if they knew her just a couple months, it was still longer than they knew Rae. Chloe was really hurtful most times when she wanted summat out of you. Rae didn't think she could take the abuse just to try to hang out wi' people she'd only just met. She'd just teetered off the brink of a relapse as it was. Besides, they didn't really want her around anyway. Why was he even here? Her heart was nearly thumping out her chest.

"She seems to really enjoy spending time with all of you." Rae finally replied.

"S'pose." Finn shrugged, taking another drag off his fag. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"You." he said. "Do you enjoy spending time wi' us?"

"Oh." she shrugged, mimicking him. "I'm not sure what that has to do with Chloe."

"So you'll come round the pub tomorrow night, then?" he asked.

"No."

"Why?"

"Oh, come on." she tried to laugh. "You lot have loads of mates already. You don't need me coming round and annoying ya." Why couldn't he just let her save face? Why did he have to invade her private space to set her up for summat so cruel?

"That may be so." Finn shrugged again. "But I want you to." he told her.

He seemed like he wasn't going to take no for an answer. She didn't understand why it was so fun for some people to take the piss. "Fine, I'll see you tomorrow." Her words came out all fast and breathy. 

She was doubtful Finn knew her well enough yet to be able to tell she were lying to him. Rae had no intention of ever going to the pub. He must have thought her thick as bank vault door.

It's not that she wanted to salvage her friendship with Chloe. She knew Chloe wasn't interested in that, and neither was she to be honest. There was just no way she going to knowingly walk into an ambush that would emotionally hurt her. This lot didn't like her. It was a trap to be cruel for a laugh. She didn't know what she could have possibly seen in them in the first place, knowung now how absolutely horrid they were.

Out of everyone that took the piss or bullied Rae, Chloe was easily the worst of them if she were upset with ya. Her now teaming up with the gang, it was just easier to lie and lock up her windows when he escaped off the roof.

***

Finn looked at the clock. It was half eight. Rae wasn't coming. He didn't understand that bird one bit. Not that he understood other girls either. Other girls at least behaved in the same general way as one another though. They would flirt and they would touch him. They'd try to snog him and bat their lashes. All the general behaviours of a lass who wanted to get pulled.

Rae barely even looked at him, she were so shy. She were much more shy around him specifically than the rest of his mates. They'd looked at each other once or twice during the time he'd known her, but her face would go scarlet with embarrassment and that would be that. If he cared owt about any birds other than Izzy, he might think it were a bit endearing.

***

"I thought you were coming to the pub wi' us?"

"Jesus Finn!" Rae grabbed her chest in panic. "You nearly gave me a Julius seizure!"

Rae had been sitting on her bed reading a book with her headphones on. Finn had lifted one of the ear pieces to get her attention. "How did you even get in here?" she blurted. She _knew_ those windows were locked after he left last night.

"You said you'd come to the pub." he repeated.

Seriously? This boy shared the same gene pool as the Greek gods. What did it matter if a blob like her didn't sit at his table at the pub? There were no way they weren't trying to have a laugh. "I'm not certain what you want me to say."

"How about the truth?" Finn asked. "I was proper gutted you didn't come."

Rae couldn't stop the small scoff that escaped her throat. "Oh come on lad, tha' can't be right. You don't even speak to me at the pub."

"But it is! I were looking forward to getting to know ya better." he told her. "From the jukebox tunes you're always playing I woulda thought we'd have loads to talk about.

"I don't know Finn. I really shouldn't spend so much time round the pub anymore. I mean, I don't even drink."

"Is that why you didn't come? Because you don't drink?" he asked.

"Sure." she sighed. She couldn't help shaking her head in frustration as she looked toward the ceiling.

"Is it because of Chloe?"

"I haven't spoke to her since I was down the pub last." She told him flatly.

"That's not what I asked." he said.

"Look, I would rather you not keep bringing her up." she told him.

She barely knew him. He didn't want to spook her. If he dug in about his assumptions she was going to shut down completely. She was already well on her way. She still didn't blame anyone or act like a victim like Chloe said she did. Even when directly asked.

He'd let it rest for now. He was much better at observing anyway. He'd always been rubbish wi' words. In fact this had been the most he'd talked to anyone in a long while. All because she stopped coming round. If his mates didn't bang on about her so much and make him think about her, he'd probably still have said nowt to Rae.

"All right, well listen. We're all going to the cinema on Friday. We was wondering if you'd like to come along?" Finn asked.

"Why?" Rae blurted. "Sorry, I mean--" she couldn't understand his end game was. Chloe said they wanted nowt to do with her and wanted to keep it that way. Since when was it so hard to avoid a group of people who supposedly hated you? She couldn't help but sigh.

She had wracked her brain trying to think of summat she did to any of them to deserve this sort of obsessive hatred. They all seemed so genuinely wonderful before it all went pear shaped. 

She did what they asked. She stopped going round to annoy them. So why was it so important for them to keep messing her emotions about? They were all monsters to go this far all for a fucking laugh, and now she wasn't even safe from them in her own bedroom.

"The pub's full up with fun people. Ask one of them to the movies, yeah? Just, please. Leave me alone." she pleaded, her voice was quiet and sad. He could hear the emotion catching on her words, and a small sob right before she turned her head back toward the opposite wall.

Under normal circumstances Finn probably wouldn't have cared either way if Rae continued hanging with the gang. He'd been friends wi' Izzy their whole lives so she didn't really count as being a girl. She were more like a sibling.

Chloe was Izzy's friend and he assumed that's how it would wind up with Rae as well. He didn't really bother getting to know girls. He had nowt in common wi' them that would result in any sort of friendship.

Somehow along the way however, Rae had become forbidden to him. She'd sneak out the pub on the sly. She'd stood him up. She'd told him no for a date. Group date, sure, but date none the less.

Birds were gagging for a chance to spend time wi' him. Yet this girl made it her full time job to stay just out of his reach. It made him curious. It made him want her.

No girl had ever told him no. For owt. And no girl had ever stood him up. Here it was, the same girl did both. Summat needed to be done about this as it was, but now he was standing there watching her cryin.

He'd seen birds cry. It didn't bother him nowt. Annoying he supposed, all that wailing and all when he'd prefer they'd just belt up.

He'd never seen Rae Earl cry before though. She was near silent with a small sniffle here and there. Quiet shaky exhales of breath escaped her throat from time to time. She cried like she didn't want to bother anybody. Like she didn't want to be found out. He was absolutely fascinated with her.

His chest was twitching again, but it wasn't that buzz he'd come to covet. The one he missed so much lately, but would never admit to. This was a twitch that made his skin itch. It made him feel uncomfortable. He felt protective. Or maybe angry? Not at Rae, though. Not for crying.

Finn sat on the edge of the bed, trying to understand all these new feelings. He noticed Rae had become deathly still and silent. He wasn't sure she was even still breathing.

Pure instinct had him scooting her along the bed, making her release a tiny squeal as he settled her head into his chest. He couldn't tell himself why he did it. He sat there in silence listening to her shaky breathing while he pet her hair.

He held her like that for ages. Her breathing finally evened out and she had fallen asleep in his arms at some point. Finn set her head in his lap and continued to watch her sleep, stroking her hair from time to time.

The silence gave him time to think. This girl acted nothing like what he thought every girl was supposed to act like. She was sweet and thoughtful, shy and funny. What would cause her to cry? He was seething with anger for what caused such sadness inside this beautifully innocent girl.

***

Finn sat in a chair at the end of the table a couple days later, rolling some baccie. Once again, the gang was at the Swan. Chop was up at the bar, shouting a round. Izzy, Chloe and Archie were laughing about summat at the other end of the table.

Finn had little else on his mind except for Chloe and Rae. He'd become obsessed. Even he could admit that to himself. It wasn't just Rae that ensnared his focus, however. Rae was just the pretty prize he wanted to reward himself with.

He'd become obsessed with figuring out the odd Rae and Chloe power dynamic. Chloe was right, in a way. There was loads of drama surrounding Rae, but it seemed to be only because Chloe created it. 

After days of actually paying attention to the things Chloe said and did, he was now absolutely convinced she told Rae not to come round the gang anymore. Instead of Rae telling him that, she chose to make Chloe look innocent of wrongdoing. Rae made sure Chloe's friendships with the gang remained intact. She really were a hell of a lass, that Rae. Chloe would never do the same for her in a million years.

Finn decided he needed to go to the loo before lighting up a fag. Chop was still up gobbing to the barman wi' his next pint and he was perfectly content not talking to the girls. As he was heading back to the table, Chloe was making her way back to the loo.

"Spent a penny too, did ya?" Chloe asked with a drunken flirty air.

Finn stopped in front of her, he looked down at her face, really scrutinizing her up close for the first time. "Chloe." he spoke softly. His voice was husky and low. He guided her body a few steps backward, so her back was flush against the wall. "How long we known each other?" he asked, leaning his arm against the wall above her head.

Chloe's eyes were round as saucers, like she couldn't believe what was happening. "A couple months, bit more maybe." Chloe responded in a breathy whisper.

"I feel like I barely know, ya even though I see you almost every day." His voice was seductive and hungry as he ran the back of his finger across her cheek.

Chloe swallowed hard. "We can always change that, Finn." she told him, boldly running her hand along his chest.

"I might know a thing or two, now I'm thinking on it." he whispered, leaning in close. His bottom lip grazed the shell of her ear, giving her goosebumps.

"Tell me." she gasped, unbelievably turned on by Finn's sudden interest in her at last.

His head was still buried in Chloe's neck. Small puffs of breath causing her to tremble. "You hang out in the gang with my closest friends. We've all known each other since we was babies. Did you know we knew each other that long?"

Chloe shook her head, basking in the fact he was giving her his full attention.

"Thought as much." he chuckled playfully. "You literally don't know the first thing about me. Yet, after just a couple months you think you're entitled to tell someone I care about that they're not allowed to hang out wi' me or my mates."

Finn pulled his head back from her ear to look her in the eyes. His expression was frightening. His dark, bottomless eyes were filled with scorn. "Just who the _fuck_ do you think you are, Chloe?"

"I--" Chloe knew Finn was a bad boy in the way that was popular with girls. A laid back, rebellious teen that drove parents insane. Beyond a bit of fooling around, he seemed relatively harmless. He had flirty puppy dog eyes that drove all the girls wild and was a fun way to spend the night. She had wanted him for ages.

He was none of those things right now. He was terrifying. This was a person she was suddenly realizing you were absolutely not to cross. She knew in that moment there was no lie she could tell him that would get her out of this. She also knew there was no playing dumb to his accusations. 

"I am allowed to invite anyone I please to sit at my table, and you have fuck all to say about it. I don't care if you knew Rae first or you knew us first or whatever fucked up excuses you told yourself to be able to act like a bloody nutter. If I want to spend time with her I don't need your sodding permission." his expression never wavered and his eyes never left hers. They pinned her to the wall with no room to wiggle.

"Right. Got it." Chloe agreed instantly.

"You're going to bell her and say you were wrong or you were a bitch or whatever you need to tell her to get her to understand she's welcome here." he told her with an icy silk before walking away without another look.

Chloe let out a shaky breath. She fucked up so utterly. Stupid Rae.

She walked back out to the table to join the gang. Finn was sitting in his chair at the end, smoking a fag with what looked like not a care in the world. He was laughing over a pint wi' his mates like nowt had even happened.


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you expecting anyone, Rae?" Linda's panicked shrill was heard from downstairs after the doorbell rang out. Linda got bent up over unexpected visits now that she was harbouring an illegal immigrant boyfriend.

"Am I ever?" she sing songed sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. This was one of the worst times of day for Rae. It was too early to go to sleep, but it would soon be too dark to do owt productive outdoors. The fact that it rained all day didn't really help matters. She'd been cooped up all day with her mum and Karim downstairs as they ignored her entire existence.

Rae sat on her bed with her knees tucked under her chin. She stared down at the aging blood stain on her carpet for the thousandth time that day, fighting the urge for another relapse. After failing so utterly and giving in to the urges a few days ago, the cravings of her addiction came back in colossal waves.

She was zoning out into her own world, but she thought she heard a soft knock at her door. "Yeah?" she asked. When had her mum started caring about her privacy?

The door opened slowly to reveal Finn standing in her door frame. "What are you doing?" he asked when he noticed she was just sitting on her bed in the quiet, dark room.

Rae was gobsmacked. She had so many questions. Why was he here? When did he learn where her front door was? "What are _you_ doing?" she asked, finally finding her voice.

"I'm picking you up for the cinema." he told her like it was supposed to be the most obvious thing in the world.

"I told you I can't go." she growled bitterly, staring off at the floor again.

"Why, because you're oh so very busy at the moment?" he said with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" she asked in an agonizing whisper.

"Didn't Chloe bell you?" he asked her. There was a hint of summat in his voice she couldn't place. She didn't know him well enough yet. She barely knew him at all, really.

Rae had been avoiding everyone all week. She'd given up on everything. Kester said one little set back was just that. Just because she gave in once in all these months and cut herself, didn't mean she had to instantly get carted back off into inpatient therapy.

She would leave the house early in the morning and wander around the woods where no one bothered her or harrassed her. She'd tried her hand at flinging herself off things while she were out there a few times. There were some pretty tall rocky ledges that she thought might do her in. If she couldn't get carted off out of here, she didn't want to be burdening anyone by existing any longer.

All it really accomplished in the end was the wind being knocked out of her, splitting headaches, lots of bruises, and spranged and twisted bones. She usually wouldn't come home until the wee hours, but she'd lost her motivation for even that since discovering doing herself in was yet another thing on a long list of subjects she were so colossally terrible at.

"I haven't talked to her." she didn't bother to tell him she hadn't been home. She was so fucking sick of talking about queen god Chloe.

"That stupid bitch." he growled under his breath, shaking his head. "She was supposed to call and invite you to the film wi' us."

"Look, it's no offense and all, but I really don't want to go to a movie with Chloe and a bunch of her sodding mates, yeah? Hope you lot have a swell time though." she rolled her eyes. Now she wished she weren't such a quitter and a cock-up. She were begging for a ledge to hurl herself off of it it meant she'd never have to hear another fucking thing about that rotten bitch.

"Are you going to just sit there and stare at the floor? That's your big plans for your Friday night?" Finn asked.

"What the fuck do you even care for?" she spat. "Jesus, why am I your entertainment all of a sudden, anyway? You didn't want owt to do wi' me when I thought we was all gettin on, and now you're what? Takin the piss? Taking bets? Seeing how far you can bend the fat girl before she breaks?" Rae shook her head trying to keep the tears from starting to form. "What did I ever do to you and your lot except think for one foolish moment that maybe they might have wanted to be my mate?

"I've done what you've all asked. I've stopped bothering you! I'm not even safe from the torment in my own bleedin' bedroom, apparently. I know you lot don't like me but for fucks sake, Finn! Why are you all so sodding spiteful?" she sobbed.

Finn stood silently for a moment, absorbing what she said before sitting next to her on the bed. It was the most angry and vocal he'd ever seen her. It was the most she'd ever disclosed to anyone about how she was feeling. About what she thought happened with the gang. 

"Every time I've invited you somewhere, is that what you thought? That those were my intentions? To laugh at you? Make fun of you?" he asked her gently. "The gang has no idea. You just vanished on us and won't take any calls or visitors. Chloe lied to you, Rae. Everyone's been so worried."

She didn't bother to respond. He was full of shite. It was just a trick to get her lured in.

"That's why you didn't come to the pub, innit?"

"Why does any of it matter? Why do you care? Stop making it so bloody hard." she scowled.

"You're the only bird who's ever stood me up, you know." he said simply.

She snorted and shook her head, looking at the mattress. It still intimidated her to look at him. She had given up on everything and didn't care about life, yet she was still nervous of the things she saw in those only depths.

Finn walked over to Rae's stereo and looked through her CDs. She really did have good taste in music. Though, she didn't own much of a library. No more than about ten albums. She didn't really have much to speak of at all in this room if he were being honest. Placing a CD in her stereo, he took his shoes off and crawled onto her bed.

"What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously.

"I thought we'd listen to some tunes. Budge up, I want a pillow." he said.

Who did this bloke think he was? He just did whatever he wanted and didn't listen to anybody. She wished she never ran into Chloe that day. She didn't understand how to interact with a person like Finn. He was so different than her. She hadn't even realized she'd already handed him a pillow.

He patted the spot next to him. Did he want her to lay down next to him? She suddenly found the air too heavy to breathe. It was already absurd that this gorgeous creature kept poppin round to her bedroom in the first place.

"Since you're afraid to look at me, I figured we could both stare at the ceiling or summat." he suggested gently.

"I'm not afraid." she lied.

It was Finn's turn to snort. "My mistake." he said.

Choosing to ignore him, she gingerly scooted down the mattress, flinching as she moved her limbs and settled into a new position next to him. It really did hurt to move much after her woodland antics. "Won't you be late for the movie?" she asked.

"Ah, sod the movie." he shrugged. "If you don't wanna go then I don't wanna go." he eyed her movements curiously. She tucked her limbs into herself oddly and moved slower and differently than she usually did. She was less graceful than he was used to seeing when she moved.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" she asked timidly.

"I like you." he shrugged. "I didn't realize it until you were gone. That first time. I didn't hear your chattering in my ear and all. No one ever says goodnight to me anymore. I miss it."

"So you wanted me to go the the cinema so I would say goodnight to ya?" What an odd reason to claim to like a person.

"No, I wanted to take you because I like you. The wish goodnight would have just been a nice bonus." he explained.

"You're not coming round here because you feel sorry for me are you?" she asked suspiciously.

Finn snorted out a huff of laughter. "Have you ever known me to care enough to feel sorry for anybody? Sorry is a feeling I won't ever have for you, Rae."

"Okay." she shrugged.

"What, no fighting me with a thousand arguments?" he said with humour in his voice.

She curled her lip into the slightest hint of a smile. Finn had turned to look at her but she was still focused on summat up above. She turned her head to look at him briefly before her cheeks bloomed red and she looked away once more. 

"If you're going to be coming round here anyway, which you clearly seem to be doing. You say you don't feel sorry for me and you're not taking the piss. If you can promise me that your end game isn't to be malicious toward me, then fine. I guess you win." she sighed.

He didn't know why he was smiling so bloody hard. He'd never worked on a bird this hard in his life, and it wasn't even for a date. It was just him fighting to talk to her. Someone really did a number on this lass. She didn't play.

He was turned to face her, and Finn bent his head low before she could protest. When he brushed his lips over hers, his chest tightened as she sighed into his mouth. Her eyelids had fluttered closed but he wanted her to look at him and so he traced his thumb lightly over her lids until they popped open in surprise.

Being so closely focused on his features, Rae quickly pulled back away from him causing her to flinch and let out a pain filled moan.

With a frown, Finn scrutinized her for several moments before pulling the neck of her night shirt to the side. He was curious to find angry red and purple bruising curling over her shoulder.

"Finn!" Rae gasped with a scowl as she tried adjust her shirt. "You can't jus--ow!" she cried when Finn lightly caught her wrist and examined it. 

He gingerly pulled the sleeve up over her wrist to reveal painful looking swelling. "Explain." he demanded. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion.

"Get out of my room!" Rae blurted, wincing as she moved to get up from the bed. Finn caught the hem of her top as she made to stand, causing her to howl in pain as she landed squarely on her backside when she fell back to the mattress.

"No." Finn's featured were etched with concern. He lifted up her top to reveal her mottled back. "Rae you're all mucked up." 

"You're nosier than my rotten old neighbour." Rae growled, crossing her arms."

"No need to get shirty. I just want to know what done it." Finn told her. His face held concern, but Rae wasn't in the habit of confiding in people.

"I fell." she didn't technically lie. "Now get out. I changed my mind. This was a bad idea. I don't want you coming round."

"No."

"No?" Rae sputtered. "It's not your choice. You can't just come round taking all these liberties." she scolded as tears of anger pricked at her eyes.

"What liberties?" he questioned. "Caring about you? What happened?"

"I told you I fell." she answered vaguely. "You can't just peep under my clothes."

"Fell from what, a bloody barn?" Finn scoffed, ignoring the rest. If he had it his way, he'd be more than peeping soon enough.

"I flung myself off the cliffs outside town, if that'll belt you up." she realized she shouldn't really care what he thought. If it turned out he couldn't be trusted with the information, then she'd get to go back to the mental ward. If she could trust him with it, then she'd have the freedom to try again if she were ever feeling the proper motivation.

"Is this like that leg thing you was up to?" Finn was genuinely curious. Those cliffs were bloody tall. He thought it was a reckless hobby, but what the hell did he know. The whole slicing up your skin bits was new to him too. "It makes ya feel summat happy and that?"

"No." she voiced quietly after a few moments of silence.

"Then why do ya do it? It's looks bloody painful for no proper payout." the thought that she could have been trying to purposely kill herself never occured to him. Until it did.

She'd given him a look like it should have been obvious as she watched the dawning change of realization hit his features.

"Well that's the last of that, then." he told her as though he were mentioning he'd eaten the last of the biscuits during tea or summat. She refused to look at him, so it took her by surprise when he gently kissed her hand.

She wasn't going to argue with him that he had no right to tell her what to do. It was true, but it was exhausting. All that talking for nowt. In the end, she'd do whatever she felt like doing. She was just finally starting to realize staying quiet made everything pass by easier.

The silence in the room had settled between them. Neither in any hurry to speak. It was sort of nice. If not nice, it wasn't completely uncomfortable.

She felt Finn's fingers lightly slide up her leg before settling on her thigh. What in Christ was he on about now? His finger started tracing a pattern lightly on her skin. " _I C-A-R-E_."

Surely that couldn't be right, could it? She made that up in her mind as his finger moved at random. Rae turned her head to see Finns eyes already fixed on her.

His face had softened from the normally furrowed exterior he often presented. It seemed unguarded. She knew she saw emotions there, but she were rubbish at reading people. Not to mention, she didn't know Finn well enough to understand what those new expressions meant. It wasn't a smile, nor a frown. Whatever it was, he had it focused on her.

Without really thinking, she'd leaned in and brushed her lips to his. After staring at that mouth for so long trying to figure it out, she'd just given in to her urges.

It didn't take Rae long to come to her senses. Just as she were pulling away, Finn touched his hand lightly to the back of her head and returned her affections, intent on deepening the kiss.

Rae parted her lips in surprise when she felt Finn suck her bottom lip into his mouth. Wasting no time, he used this opportunity to lightly trace the inside of her lips with the tip of his tongue. Moaning, Rae broke the kiss, leaning her head back in pleasure.

Finn nuzzled his nose into the hair behind Rae's ear before trailing soft kisses down her neck. Finn delighted in the smell of her. It was sweet and earthy, with an underlying scent of a subtle musk that was purely her. 

Stopping his assault on her neck took effort, but he didn't want to scare her or run her off in annoyance. "Chloe knows we all just want to see you again." he whispered softly, looking at the side of her face as he lifted himself from her neck. "It wasn't hard to clock her, Rae. She was out of line to run you off."

It took her a moment to clear the fuzz of pleasure and absorb what he had told her. Chloe would just be worse to her behind closed doors. She was like a verbally abusive boyfriend. She didn't leave marks, but she still caused loads of damage. Now she would have to deal with it all the more, so she could stay in the presence of this half god of a creature. Someone who was way out of her league and she could barely even look at. 

"Won't your face be red when you realize you've bet on a giant dud?" She tried to play it off as a joke, but it fell short. Even to her ears.

"Rae." he softly said to her as he brushed his finger along her jaw.

She flinched at the foreign contact. Finn froze. "I'm sorry." she told him. "You startled me. People don't...I don't..it's not summat that usually.." she was blubbering like a twat and needed to belt up. "I apologize." she said with finality.

"Why are you afraid of me?" he asked her curiously.

She shook her head. "It's not you. I'm pretty much afraid of everyone."

"But you won't hardly even look at me." he sounded hurt. She wasn't sure. She was pretty bad with vocal tones.

"I look at you." She whispered nervously.

"I'm the only one in the gang you ever turn away from." he countered.

"S'pose." she shrugged nervously. "You're also the only one in my bedroom right now."

"Fair." Finn trailed his finger along the back of her hand. Testing for any signs of a flinch. Her fingers made a few slight twitches, but otherwise she remained calm. He placed his hand over hers, curling his fingers around her palm.

She shook her head slightly. Her insides were screaming at her. She was in some alternate universe. She had to be. No boy this fit would ever be interested in a lass like her. "You're going to be so disappointed in yourself when you realize there's nowt special about me. I'm just a nervous numpty."

"We'll see." Finn replied.

They ended up listening to several albums, well into the night. Few words were spoken between them. "Shouldn't your mum have kicked me out hours ago?" Finn asked with a laugh as he looked at the time.

Rae shrugged. "She sort of forgets about me most if the time. That I live here and that." 

"You what?" How could somebody forget they had a kid living up in their gaff? 

"I was gone the last several months before I met you lot. Away from home and all. Then me mum found some boyfriend while I was away that she's totally obsessed with. He lives here now. I think a lot of the time she's lovesick in her own world down there, and just forgets I'm back home." she explained. It was a simplified version, but it was accurate.

"So she's forgotten you're here in your room right now?" Finn asked, gobsmacked.

Rae nodded her head. "She usually says stuff like, 'Oh that's right. I forgot you were back.' if she sees me downstairs. I mean, she doesn't exactly try to be subtle about it. I don't think she wants the reminder of her past failed relationship to muck up her fresh new one."

"That's bullshite." Finn scowled.

"It's whatever, really. I have a roof over my head. Can't really complain about that." she shrugged.

Optimism.

So she has a shite show of a home life and she explains the good in it. Not really complaining about it. Yet another thing Chloe got wrong.

"What is that?" Finn asked, straining his ear toward the door before realization dawned on him with a laugh. "Is that your mum down there, fucking?"

"They do that quite a bit, yeah." Rae sighed.

***

A few days later, Chop gave Finn a bell. He wanted to meet up at the pub and make plans for the weekend. He always had to make some grand show of things and really ham it all up. Finn rolled his eyes. He loved Chop like a brother, but Jesus wept, could he be dramatic.

He opened the door to raucous laughter coming from the direction of their usual table. "Nice one, Raemundo!" Chop cried.

Rae was here? Finn saw her long, silky black hair since her back was facing him as he walked over. The seat next to her was empty. "Hiya lads." Finn nodded as he took his seat. He turned to see a pretty blush bloom across Rae's cheeks. 

Seconds later, Chloe came in and took a seat with the gang. She had started shooting confused, shocked and often annoyed glances over at Rae. She clearly was trying to get her attention.

" _H-I_." Finn traced on Rae's thigh with his finger. He caught the smile on her face even though she didn't look over.

" _H-I-Y-A_." she responded. As she started to pull her hand back, he caught it and set her hand on his leg, palm side down. Covering her hand with his, he curled his fingers around it just as he had done at hers a few nights back. Her blush had deepened, but she didn't flinch or pull away.

"What about Rutland Waters? That's always fun for a laugh." Chop suggested.

"I love tha' place!" exclaimed Chloe. "There's always loads of people there."

Rae didn't have an opinion either way, but if it was summat around loads of people she'd probably duck out. She still had anxiety troubles in crowds and her medication didn't seem to work very well even in small groups of strangers. Not to mention all her bumps and bruises from the woods being on display. 

They were nearly faded. But she didn't want to embarrass anyone in the gang or make a spectacle of herself. If there were anyone there from her old school it would also create a scene if she were to join them. Rae didn't want to ruin their fun outing.

Finn must have felt a change in her body language. She felt his thumb rub back and forth across the back of her hand. She looked down at his lap, watching his movements with fascination.

She chanced a brief peek at his face. Of course he was already looking at her. The moment their eyes met she quickly shot her glance back down at the table, but forced herself to look back up at him. 

She knew her face was red from embarrassment, but she remembered the hurt in his voice because he thought she was afraid of him. She gave him a shy smile before looking down again at their hands. She brushed her fingers lightly across the top of his hand. 

Her belly had the spins and was in no hurry to want to slow down. She didn't know why she was so scared and intimidated to look at his face. His eyes, more specifically. She saw things in them. He was so beautiful to look upon, but when she added him looking back at her, she didn't know how to process the overload and she just broke.

His eyes were so dark. Almost the same shade as his pupils, they were such a deep brown. They were easy to get lost in and find danger, suduction and all manner of other feelings that were foreign and forbidden to her. 

There was summat in them that felt like it belonged to her. She wanted to crawl inside of them and pluck it out. Claim it. The feeling terrified the fucking shite out of her. That's why she was afraid to look at them. It all clicked into place in that moment.

She had been lost in her thoughts, not paying any attention to the conversation around her. "I said loo! Now!" Rae heard being hissed into her ear. Chloe was leaned in behind her, trying to get her attention.

"Get off me tits, Chloe!" Rae scowled. "Just tell me what you want." She didn't want to get cornered by Chloe in the loo again.

Chloe cast a nervous side long glance over to Finn. "Look, I can't tell ya here. Just meet me in the toilets." she whispered. She again didn't bother to check if Rae was following. She just assumed she was.

Rae looked up at Finn. Her face held a bit of annoyance, but he knew there was active fear in her when it concerned being around Chloe.

"If you don't want to go, then don't. If you want to go and talk to her, then that's your choice too." Finn gently offered.

"I don't think I want to right now. Maybe later." she informed him. She wasn't in the mood for a scolding. It took a lot of arguing back and forth with herself to even make it to the pub at all. Now that she was here, she was having a good time with Finn by her side. She didn't want it all to go tits up because Chloe needed someone to take out her mood on. 

Rae had so little to look forward to these days. She just wanted one day where she didn't feel like shite because she was herself.

Rae squeezed her fingers around Finn's in a silent thank you. She didn't know it, but it left an endearing smile on his face. There was loads Rae missed out on because she was too frightened to look out into the world.

Chloe came back to the table in a huff, glaring at Rae and trying to get her attention. She went completely ignored by the raven haired girl at the far end of the table.

She didn't go ignored by Finn though. Finn looked from their joined hands, directly up at Chloe. His expression was no more or less surly than it ordinarily was, however the seething rage in Finn's eyes was being directed exclusively at her. She shriveled in her seat and remained silent toward Rae the rest of the afternoon.

Finn refused to let Chloe bully Rae now that he was wise to what was happening between the two girls. He wanted Rae here more than Chloe so she should be thankful there was still a seat left for her at the table after the stunt she pulled.

If Rae wanted to speak to Chloe, that was one thing. Rae could chatter on all day and night for all he cared. She didn't want to speak to her though. He wanted Rae to feel safe with him and his mates. He didn't want to chase her all over Lincolnshire because Chloe'd run her off. As far as today was concerned, Chloe wasn't coming anywhere near her.

Rae and the gang continued to get closer as the weeks went on. Chloe knew she wasn't allowed to drive Rae away any longer. Rae had all but ignored any shite Chloe tried to talk about Finn or anyone else she had her hackles in that day. In fact, she rarely spoke to Chloe at all anymore. It was extremely freeing not to have the weight of her wrath weighing on her back any longer. 

***

Finn and Rae, along with his father Paul, had just returned from a pleasant afternoon with Finn's nan. The two Nelson men spent every Sunday having tea with Charlotte, and she felt it high time she met the lass that snared the heart of her moody, stubborn grandson.

Rae absolutely adored Charlotte. She was a crass, no nonsense woman who kept the Nelson men in line with just a stern look. The fact she were one of the tiniest women Rae had ever laid eyes on made it all the more hilarious.

Charlotte accepted Rae's help in the kitchen while she made Paul's favorite meal. She found she rather enjoyed the young, shy girl her grandson brought round. She wasn't like them other tarts she'd see hang around her Finley. Rae didn't slap her face up and dress all slinky. She didn't mind keeping an old hen like her company either. She had substance, and Charlotte approved of that.

As they all sat down for tea, Charlottle made sure to tell Rae not to take any codswallop from her Finley. A lad like Finn needed a swift kick every now and again.

Though Finn was clearly embarrassed by his nan announcing such a thing at the dinner table, he didn't disagree or argue wi' her. It just wasn't done. Her word was law as far as the Nelsons were concerned.

"Do you mind if I put this on, Finn?" Rae held an album up in the air as she was sorting through his massive music collection.

"You can listen to whatever yout heart desires, girl." he told her as he walked into his bedroom. He stopped to kiss the crown of her head before flinging himself onto his bed to relax with a magazine.

Rae closed her eyes and slowly rocked her hips to the music. Finn loved watching her when she was so carefree and happy. She was often like this when she were away from hers. When it was just he and Rae, or when they spent time with his da. 

After meeting his nan and spending her afternoon with his family, she seemed to be downright glowing. Her head was pointed up toward the ceiling and she looked like the most beautiful creature he'd every laid eyes on. 

He absolutely adored that girl down to her very bones. It were times when he saw her like this that Finn knew he was in love with her. He was totally gone on Rae Earl. 

She slowly stopped moving as if she suddenly became aware of herself. Finn noticed the crimson blooming on her cheeks when she spun around to sit on the edge of bed by his feet. 

Finn learned a long while back that it sometimes took her a bit of thinking on summat to herself before she would decide to finally run her thoughts by him out loud. He knew it would eventually bubble to the surface. There weren't nowt they didn't end up confiding given the proper amount of time and motivation. 

Rae weren't much for sharing because she'd had it drilled into her she weren't worth a listen. Finn saved his best words for her, and even then he never seemed to get them properly sorted before they tumbled out of him. Together, they felt safe in what they shared, because words between them weren't wasted. They were important, and special.

"Why you let me still hang around?" Rae asked quietly.

"You what?" Rae had her knees tucked up under her crossed arms. She was looking forward and not toward him when he looked up from the magazine he'd decided to toss aside. 

"Am I too boring to look at, ya reckon?" she asked. "Like, for blokes and all I mean."

"What you on about, Rae? You're dead beautiful, you is." Finn wasn't sure where this was coming from. She knew how he felt about her. "You looking for different blokes?" he was starting to wonder if she was thinking of chucking him, and it didn't settle well with him one bit.

"Of course I'm not!" Rae put on a face letting him know that his was a daft thought. "It's just, I know you never brought no one round to meet your nan before." she told him before looking over shyly towards him.

"No, I haven't. Me da neither." he agreed. "Why's this having you thinking you're not proper lovely?"

"Well how is it then you don't want to see me out me knickers?" Rae spoke quickly before she lost her nerve. "How come you don't want me like you do other girls?" she finished miserably. Her face further flushed with self consciousness.

"Is that what you think?" Finn laughed, shaking his head. "You got it all wrong, girl. I want you more than any lass I ever met." he admitted easily.

"Then why haven't you--we--" Rae stammered in embarrassment. She wasn't able to look him in the eye or finish her thought. She felt humiliated having to ask why he didn't want her.

"You're not a passing fancy, Rae. You're everything them birds will never be." he confessed to her.

"You like me too much to shag me?" That didn't make a lick of sense. Confusion evident on her face.

"There's loads of reasons I s'pose. Not just th--that I proper love ya." he stuttered as she snapped her head to look at him. He got through telling her better than he thought he would. Important words like those were hard for him to let go of.

"Snap!" Rae blurted in surprise at his words, making Finn chuckle.

"Come up here my shy, lovely girl." he smiled, patting the space next to him on the bed. 

Rae crawled up the bed and burrowed under the blankets and squirming around for a good few moments. Tucking herself into his side, Finn wrapping his arm around her, grinning at her antics. "So what are these loads of other reasons?" she asked timidly. 

"I never wanted to rush ya, for one, I s'pose. I mean, I know how proper hard on yourself you are and all. Didn't want you thinking you was a slag, because you're not." he explained.

"Besides, I didn't want to have to search the whole bleeding county looking for ya after. You was bound to convince yourself it were a one off." he huffed in exasperation when he saw she were winding up to say summat. "Don't waste your breath. You know its true, innit?"

"Might be." she rolled her eyes with a shrug. She stayed silent. She was listening to Finn's heartbeat, feeling his lungs breathing in and out under her hand. It was easily one of her favourite pastimes.

"I'm afraid if we started owt, I'd not be able to stop if you needed me to." he admitted shamefully. "How can you expect to trust me when I can't trust meself?"

"You'd stop." Rae told him confidently.

"You put too much faith in me." he told her softly.

"Because you don't put enough in yourself. It's the same you do for me, Finn. We balance each other to the proper fill line." she explained, gesturing with her hands.

Finn rolled on his side to face her and tried moving his other arm around her waist, before giving up and joining her under the covers. Once he burrowed in, he wrapped her up in his arms, hugging Rae tightly. "You're it for me, Rae Earl."

"Snap." she grinned up at him shyly, stretching her neck up to capture his lips with hers.

Rae grew bold, peppering soft kisses along his jaw and down his neck. "What ya think you're on about, girl?" Finn breathed as she moved the neck of his shirt to trace her tongue along his collarbone.

Suddenly she sat up and pushed on his shoulder. He let her guide him until he was laying on his back and she moved to straddle him. Her eyes flashed and the corner of her mouth curved in a smile. "So, maybe I don't want you to stop." she breathed softly.

Before she could lose her nerve, Rae pulled her shirt off and threw it over her head, to hell where it landed. She rewarded him with a shy smile before timidly brushing her fingertips under the hem of his shirt, pushing it upward and feeling his hard muscles as her hands brushed up his body. Finn wasted no time pulling up the neck of his shirt and flinging it away to lose it somewhere with hers.

The innocence in her eyes as she touched him was doing him in. Her touch was hesitant when she ghosted the pads of her fingers along his skin. It was as if she wasn't sure she should be allowed to be doing summat so bold without permission. She had no idea how much she made him ache.

He cupped her face and hungrily captured her mouth under his. Flicking at her lips with his tongue, Finn began massaging her tongue with his when she allowed him passage. "I love you, Rae." he breathed, lips barely parted from hers when he broke apart. His demanding mouth planted kisses along her face and neck. He pressed greedy licks and nips along her collarbone as he worked to unfasten her bra.

Rae arched back, feeling around behind her. She started fiddling around with the button on his trousers, trying to shed the offending fabric that draped beneath her. At the feel of his zipper loosening, Finn bucked his hips up so he could kick off the last hindering layers of clothing.

"Fuck!" he gasped. Rae had nearly taken his breath way. When she moved to seat herself back on top of him, she'd sunk down onto his cock, burying him inside completely. No foreplay. No making sure she was ready. He didn't even get to taste her. "All right, girl?"

He realized she must have been taking off her tights and knickers when she was squirming around earlier under the blankets. He hadn't even noticed they were missing.

"Yeah." she breathed. She held her hands against her lower tummy, looking at him in wonder. "You're right here." she patted her belly. "We're together."

"Yeah, girl." he smiled, brushing his thumb across her cheek. "We're together."

Finn waited until she started to wiggle around on top of him. He didn't want to hurt her by losing control and pounding into her before she was prepared for owt.

Her breath hitched as she started twisting around on his pelvis. He could feel her walls flexing around him as she got used to the feeling of him inside of her. He wasn't sure how much more of these particular movements he could handle before she completely unraveled him.

Finn stroked his thumb through her folds, finding her clit and pressing into it firmly. She let out a surprised moan and flung her hand down on his chest for balance as he pressed down on the swollen nub. "Oh!" she gasped as her free hand covered his exploitative hand. "Do that again." she whispered. Her eyes were glazed over in need when they met his.

As his thumb ran tight, firm circles around her clit, Finn witnessed the most erotic unraveling of Rae Earl that was taking place at the end of his cock. When her spasming became too strong to continue her explorative movements, he dug his fingers into her fleshy hips, gripping his hands around her tightly. He pulled her hips down firmly as he flicked and circled her small, swollen nub.

Howling as her orgasm washed over her, Finn covered his mouth with hers, trying to absorb what little noise he could of her loud, keening wail. Flipping her onto her back, Finn was eager to take the lead as her tight cunt sent shockwaves through his shaft. Rae was already delirious and they hadn't even really begun.

Starting slow, he slid his cock through her slick heat, revelling in the small ripples her body was still producing. The mewling whimpers escaping her throat sent sparks popping low in his belly. He could feel the buildup her body was causing within him, and it was happening far too quickly. He wanted to savor the feeling of being buried deep inside her.

Nuzzling his face into her neck, Finn inhaled her addictive scent. "You're so beautiful, Rae." he told her. He lightly grazed along her skin with his teeth, soothing the path with his tongue. He needed a moment to still himself before he made a fool of himself.

After another couple of moments, he felt Rae shifting underneath him. She had begun clinching her walls around him again, moving her hips up to connect with him.

He started moving his hips faster this time. Their bodies connected together with a loud slap every time they united. The involuntary grunt she had every time he hit home had Finn setting a staggering pace.

Finn could feel the sting of her fingernails digging into his back as he bent his head down to lap at her breasts. Taking a pebbled nipple into his mouth, he flicked the sensitive flesh with his tongue as he pinched and squeezed it's twin on her other breast.

Rae was gone. Her eyes were glazed in lust and her breathy mewls had evolved in summat almost animalistic. Summat carnal. When he felt her walls tightening around him, he knew he wouldn't be able to survive through it.

Sliding his hand down her body, Finn squished his thumb against the sensitive bundle of nerves above her entrance. He watched as her body tightened and he desperately sank his cock into her as she clamped down around him. 

The static in his lower belly had accumulated into a fever pitch as trails of fire exploded through him. Finn managed a few more jerking thrusts as his cock unleashed hot ropes of come into the beautiful creature under him.

Having enough self awareness to collapse at her side, Finn panted in huge gulps of air, trying to catch his breath. He couldn't ever remember a time he had come so hard. She had to be filled with witchcraft. It was the only explanation he could come up with in his sex drunk mind.

"Oh shite." Finn blurted, snapping his eyes open. "I came in you, Rae!" 

Rae's look of panic turned to relief as she understood why he'd suddenly become upset. "It's okay." she smiled lazily at him before burrowing her head into his chest. "I got one of those birth control shots at my last appointment. They say it only takes a few days to become effective. Isn't that wild?"

Finn started to chuckle as he tried to shake off the surge of adrenaline from his sudden burst of panic. He kissed the crown of her head as he lightly brushed the pads of his fingers up and down her back.

"I love you, Finn." she sleepily voiced a quiet muffle.

"Snap." he breathed, his lips curling into a ghost of a smile.


	4. Chapter 4

Rae walked into the pub and saw Finn at the table lighting a fag. He looked up and saw her standing there watching him. Giving her a wink and a sexy smile, he exhaled a trail of smoke. Rae blushed a pretty shade of crimson, but it'd been quite some time since she looked away from him. She returned a warm, happy smile and started walking over to the table to join him.

"Hiya." she said as she scooted up next to him in the booth.

Finn kissed her cheek in greeting before whispering a quiet hello into her ear, making her skin tickle.

"Silly man." she said endearingly, rubbing the shell of her ear. She leaned into his chest as he wrapped his arm around her.

Archie and Chop came into the pub. "I don't care! It's mine so I'm gonna give it to who I'm gonna give it to! He can fuck off and all!" Chop could be heard from the other end of the pub.

Rae gave Finn a worried look. What the hell trouble did Chop get himself into this time?

"Ah, there she is! Raemundo, maybe you can help us sort this?" Chop asked as they came up to the table and sat down.

"Um, what's going on, lads?" she asked curiously.

"Well ya see. I have this extra bit of summat from a pool a few of us lads went in on, yeah? So I wanted to give my extra share to somebody else." he explained.

"Okay." she agreed.

"Right, well few of the blokes said I can only give the extra bit to another bloke, but I want to give it to a lass." he continued. "They say it's a lad thing, but I say I can give it to whoever the fuck I want since I bought it." he said.

"Well why are you asking me if it's a lad thing?" Rae asked in confusion.

"Well here, maybe you should take a look at it first." Chop said as he pulled a paper from his pocket and handed it to her. "Since you're the lass I want to give it to."

"Oasis at Knebworth?" Rae couldn't believe her eyes. "Oasis at fucking _Knebworth_!" she screamed. "Oh my god!" 

The lads all laughed at Rae's reaction. So vastly different than she was so many weeks ago when they found her on a park bench on their way to footie. Rae hugged all the lads one by one, leaving Finn for last when she sat back down. He kept his arm around her and she happily leaned in closer to him. "You better be going too." she said softly.

"Of course I am." Finn laughed. "I'm not sending you off alone on a lads weekend with Chop and Archie. I'd be lucky to get you back _just_ in peices."

"They can't be that bad!" she laughed.

"Unsupervised?" Finn scoffed. "You have no idea what them couple of tits can get up to."

"Oi!" Chop said. "That ain't nice, mate."

"Aye, but it's true!" Finn laughed.

"Ooh! Did you give her the ticket?" Everyone looked up to see Izzy and Chloe had come up behind the table. Izzy was clapping and bouncing with excitement while Chloe's mask seemed fastened tightly into a terse smile.

"How's your new medication working?" Finn asked quietly as the other girls found a seat.

Rae and Finn had gotten extremely close in the weeks they had started spending time alone together. She felt he needed to know about her recent past or what would be the point? If she was afraid to tell him who she was then they couldn't really know each other or trust their relationship.

Finn didn't care one lick she'd been in the mad house. He didn't care she cut herself, he didn't care about none of it. He did care about her though. He cared that she was well and he cared that she was happy. He cared about the things that kept her well and happy. Beyond that, it didn't effect him or his feelings toward her. There was nowt about Rae Earl that could scare him into not caring about her.

"It seems all right so far. Dr. Nick says alcohol doesn't interfere with these ones." she huffed out an embarrassed laugh.

Finn slid his pint over to her with a roguish smile. "I triple dog dare ya, Earl."

"What do I get if I win?" she sassed him.

Finn leaned into her, lips brushing up against her ear. "Whatever you want." he whispered against her skin, giving her goosebumps.

Rae picked up Finn's pint and held it to her lips, taking a healthy gulp. "Mmm. Hmm mmm!" she voiced, making a face and shaking her head. "Bleuck! That's absolutely vile!"

Finn howled with laughter at her reaction. "We'll find one ya like, girl." he said, kissing behind her ear.

"I still win though, because I drank it." she informed him.

"Oh, thems the rules, is it?" his voice was laced with humour.

Rae nodded. "Yeah." she turned to look at Finn, brushing her fingers through his hair along his temple as she watched him lean into her touch. "I already got everything I want though."

***

"You're an idiot, you know. A fat, mingy fool." Chloe told Rae when they were alone together in the loo. Rae was getting excellent at ignoring her, but she'd still prattle on. "What you even thinking, Rae? You think your gonna get to college and he'll openly be your boyfriend or summat? It'll never happen because you're bloody disgusting and too much of a div to even realize he's having you on." she spat, scowling deeper as Rae appeared to be actively ignoring her. 

"Not that it matters. Under that pretty face, he's a fucking monster. Blackened to the core wi' them demon filled eyes and all. He'll bleeding kill you one day, you mark my words. I've seen the devil in him." she hisssed before leaving the loo.

Normally Chloe would say summat obnoxious, but it would never end with summat so dark and ominous. She was switching tactics, to try to get her to turn against Finn.

Chloe was used to having someone around she could shite on. College hadn't started back up yet so she had to settle for trying to lure in Rae again since Izzy were off limits. She tried everything to win Rae away from Finn. Though, she had to be careful she didn't say summat that would be overheard and get her kicked from the gang. 

Finn wouldn't allow her to be alone with Rae for owt longer than a break to the loo. She was starting to get desperate. She didn't care what Finn would do to her anymore, she was just obsessed with tearing them apart. She knew Rae would turn eventually. She just needed time away from Finn.

What Chloe didn't realize was that Finn and Rae were the closest of friends. They told each other everything. She confided things in Finn she never would have dreamed to tell Chloe, even in their closest days. There was no winning Rae away from someone like him. She was head over heels, absolutely in love with Finn Nelson.

When Rae returned from the loo, she was all smiles. While she rewarded Finn with a soft, lovely smile, his hackles were instantly on high alert. Finn directed his attention to Chloe as she were returning from the loo.

Chloe just had rejoined the group and sat next to Izzy. She could feel Finn's hatred crawling all over her. There was no negative to be spoke while in front of the gang. She laughed at all the right times and feigned concern in all the correct places. She pretended everything were right in the world.

"Shall we go to mine?" Finn asked, kissing her palm as he took her hand in his.

Rae nodded her head. "Sure, I'm ready."

"All right lads. Izzy." he announced. "See you tomorrow, mates." he said as he led a waving Rae out the door.

***

"Can you believe we're here?" Rae whispered excitedly in their tent, for the thousandth time that evening.

Finn rolled over on top of her, giving her a few slow closed mouth kisses. "I'm not opposed to belting you up physically, Earl." he smiled as he kissed his way along her ear and down her neck.

Contact with her neck made Rae giggle. She had a ticklish spot Finn always seemed to find and savor. "I'm sorry! It's just, Knebworth Finn! We're really here! Right now, together." she sighed. "I never could of dreamed it."

Rae did this thing that Finn adored. She'd get excited and say those words, "We're really here. Right now, together." then get a far off look on her face and tell him she never could have dreamed it. It wasn't always big things like Knebworth. It was little things too. 

The first time they went to the record store together. The first time he took her to his. It was like she had to remind herself she was alive in that moment. That she was happy. That she found him.

It always made Finn feel like he was the most important person in Rae's life, just like she was in his. She made him feel special. He craved it. To see that look. To hear the words. He craved her. He couldn't get enough of her.

He pulled her back into him and spooned himself up against her. He brushed her hair away from his face and nuzzled into her neck, holding her tightly with his free arm. "Go to sleep, my beautiful girl."

"Goodnight Finn." she said in a soft, sleepy voice. "I love you."

That was it. Perfection. "Love you too, girl." The buzzing in his chest wrapped around those words and quickly lulled him into slumber.

***

"I can't believe you won't let us use your empty Raemundo. You're fucking killing me." Chop whined.

"No, _I_ won't let you use her empty, you lump. I fucking _know_ you, mate." Finn told him. "Besides, we're going to be with me nan and I'm not letting you trash her mum's gaff.

"Oh you had to bring your nan into this did ya? Dirty pool that is, mate!" Chop pouted. "How's she doing and all?"

Finn shrugged. "Same I s'pose. She's up in her bed some, but weak." he didn't like talking bout his nan. The only thing that got him through their visits were Rae. If she weren't there to talk to her and help her out wi' things, he and his da would have lost their heads by now. Rae and nan got on great and banged on about everything under the sun. He wished he would have introduced them sooner.

He was fortunate he thought to introduce them well before his nan went to hospital. Rae was the only person important enough to Finn to introduce to the only woman who never let him down. His nan raised him after his mum ran out on him and his da when Finn was just a tyke. If he sat and thought on it, he might realize that was probably why he didn't have much bother for women now. Aside from Rae, that is.

Later that evening was one of the hardest in Finn's young life. His nan had passed away at hospital. There was nearly no consoling him. He sat clinging to Rae for hours. 

He was afraid to let go of Rae. If he allowed himself to remove his arms then he felt like she would disappear just like his mum and his nan. 

At the funeral Rae thought she should sit with the gang since she wasn't family. Finn wouldn't allow her to leave his side, however. He held onto her hand like a lifeline in a storm. She had mouthed her apologies to his father, Paul, who just nodded to her in understanding.

It took Finn nearly a week before he didn't panic to himself if Rae had left the room. She stayed with him through it all. Until he was her strong, confident man again. Until she knew he'd be safe by himself without her.

Finn was sitting at their usual table at the Swan. He told his da he would help him with the piles of paperwork they had to go through for his nan's estate. Finn had to get out of the house for his sanity, so he brought loads of papers with him to the pub to sort through. If he had to spend one more minute cooped up in that house he was going to go mad.

Chop set a pint down in front of Finn just as he pushed the papers aside and lit a fag. "Cheers, mate. Lifesaver you are." he sighed.

"How's all this, then?" Archie asked, picking up an odd paper here and there to glance at.

"Slow." Finn said, rubbing his eyes with his palms. "Nan had a lot of stuff she thought was figured out, that actually wasn't figured out in the slightest."

"You need some help, mate?" Archie offered.

Finn shook his head. "It would take longer to explain. Plus half the time I don't even know what I'm trying to find. Rae started a list of things I need for different forms..." he trailed off as he shuffled through the papers. "Ah, here." as he produced a long handwritten page of notes.

"Me da's more rubbish at this than I am, if it weren't for Rae, I'd be--"

"You're Finn, right?" a couple girls walked up to the table and interrupted him, starting to giggle. "Finn Nelson?"

"Aye." Finn said, not bothering to look up from his list unless there was summat in the pile that matched it. He completely ignored the girls beyond answering their question.

"You're the centre midfield on Simmy and Macca's team?" one girl pressed on.

"Aye." he responded gruffly. Still not looking up.

"Our Archer here is the goalie, and I'm centre forward, iffin you birds were wondering." Chop announced.

"That's swell for you." the other girl said, waving him off.

Chop made a face at Archie and they both laughed at the looney girls that were getting nowhere fast with their surly mate.

"When's your next game, Finn?" the first girl asked in a husky timbre.

"Dunno." he said, looking sideways at some handwriting on one of his forms. "You'd have to ask Rae." he told her. "Or them." he said as an afterthought, nodding in Chop and Archie's direction.

Chop looked over at the girls again. These sad birds had no clue. On one of Finn's best days those birds stood slim to no chance of pulling Finn Nelson from a dive pub on an early Wednesday afternoon. Add the fact that he might as well be married for all he even looks at other birds these days. Rae was the only girl he'd ever really seen. All the rest just fell away.

It went without saying that his nan just died and they're trying to chat him up while he's organizing her estate paperwork. There was no hope for these ones. Chop took a swig of his pint and continued his previous conversation with Archie. Fuck them birds.

Rae had told Finn she would meet him at the pub after she finished the chores her mum had demanded she do. Linda was tearing apart the whole house and organizing and rearranging. 

It made Rae dizzy being around her mum for more than half hour bursts. The only time Linda seemed to remember Rae was living in the house was when she made her do loads of chores.

She quietly sat down next to Finn as not to interrupt his thoughts since he was filling out some form. She picked up the list to see what needed finding next before sifting through the pile for all the forms they needed to file with it. It seemed every single one of them needed a copy of Charlotte's death certificate along with other similar items.

"Oi, jus' wha' the fuck you think your doin you fat munter slag? You don't just walk over her and sit next to Finn Nelson. We was talking to him first, wasn't we!" the girl turned to her mate for confirmation. "Jog on!"

Finn had looked up from his paperwork and slowly turned his head to the girls.

"Oooh bye bye birdies!" Archie whispered to Chop.

Rae was at a loss for words. Again, it had been a long while since someone had said such mean things to her besides Chloe, and never in the presence of Finn since that first mortifying night so long ago. She hadn't missed that shocking sting of embarrassment that hit like a whip.

She curled in on herself and scooted away from him. She didn't want to embarrass him next time someone said summat to her. She was second guessing maybe she should just leave, when Finn started to speak. "I'm sorry, what were your names again, loves?" Finn asked the girls in his sweetest, most charming tone.

"I'm Sarah and this is Bethany." she simpered and pointed to her mate.

"When is our next match, Rae?" he turned and looked over to her, giving her a sexy wink.

"Um. This Saturday afternoon. At two." she spoke quietly.

"Really? Did you know that?, He looked over to Chop and Archie who shrugged. "Good thing I asked." he chuckled.

"Anyway, tell the lads to come early." he snapped his fingers and spun his hand in a circle, pointing at the girls, trying to remember their names again.

"Sarah and Bethany!" the girl said with annoyance.

"Right! Sarah and Bethany. Tell the lads that _Sarah_ and _Bethany_ want to meet up in the locker room for a pre-match team gang bang." he turned to look at the girls with disgust, his words finished in loathing. "Since these slags are so obviously gagging for it."

The girls huffed and stormed away, saying none too nice things about the sexy Finn Nelson.

Chop and Archie were howling with laughter as Finn busied himself with the form he had almost completed before the interruption. It was like it never even happened had she not witnessed it personally. He cut right through those girls insecurities in two seconds and didn't give it another thought. She sure was glad he was on her team. There's no way she could compete with that.

"Where the fuck is Brighton?" Finn asked as he read the paper and scratched his head. "Is that south?"

***

The gang were all at Rutland Waters. They finally managed a trip over. They were in a secluded area of ruins so the crowd wasn't too intense for Rae to handle. She was laying in the grass and Finn was laying with his head on her stomach. "What you talkin about girl?" Finn asked in exasperation. "Crap reggae is _always_ how ya get the girl. How can you not like it? _Every_ bird likes it. That's the only point of it!"

"You didn't get me wi' crap raggae! Never even made an attempt!" she told him.

"That's because you saw it in my collection the first time you came to mine and started laughin! No man can woo his lady while she's laughing at his tunes, girl." he told her wisely.

Rae had to wipe the tears from her eyes. She almost couldn't catch her breath from all the laughter. Finn was ridiculous.

"So what's the seating for the rave?" Chop asked. "Finn, are you and Rae on your bike?"

"I told you I can't go Chop. I have a mate in hospital and its not summat that can be rescheduled." she told him. "I don't mind you lot going without me."

"Eh, you know I'm not going if your not going." Finn shrugged, already knowing about her plans with Tixie.

She had made up with Tixie not long after their fight when she wanted to come back to the mental ward. Tixie was still very sick though. She'd stopped eating any food and had been refusing any of her high calorie shakes. She nearly tripled her exorcise and was in dangerous risk of her heart failing.

They had arranged a dinner date with Rae. She would eat as long as Rae would come. There was no way Rae was missing it. This was Tixie's life they were talking about. She didn't care about a silly rave.

"What so you're all bailing now, is that it?" Chop huffed.

"They're not all bailing Chop. I'm not going because it won't be no fun for me without Rae. She's not going because she's got summat important on. That's it, mate."

"Yeah, right then." Chop glummly kicked at the grass. "Well room in my car for everyone now!" he grinned.

Finn laid happily on the grass, using his fingers to draw patterns and letters into her thigh.

***

Dinner with Tixie went horribly. Rae were totally gutted by the time she got home. Nowt went well the entire evening.

Rae was chuffed to see Tixie of course, but she weren't even trying. She palmed her food in her napkin when she thought Rae wasn't paying attention, and even the little bits of food that did move around her plate were never picked up or eaten.

What was she supposed do? How could she help a dying friend who was so sick she couldn't help herself? Rae felt miserable.

She wasn't sure when she started crying. She definitely couldn't recall when her head wound up in Finn's lap either.

It was times like this she were so thankful for her sweet, compassionate Finn. It was like he could sense her moods or feelings and knew what she needed from him.

Before Finn, Rae was lost at sea. She had no direction and couldn't hold her head above the water. She'd hit herself along every rough surface and exposed herself to the elements. Finn plucked her from those dangerous waters and sailed alongside her. Together they helped one another on their journey to find dry land.

Finn had just passed through a rough voyage out at sea. Now it was his turn to carry Rae. "She didn't even try, Finn. She promised Kester she would eat. Dr. Nick said they've tried everything short of forcing a feeding tube through her nose." she sniffed.

The blunt visual was a bit unsettling to think about. He didn't have any wise words and he thought empty promises of people going to be okay was ridiculous. He sat in silence and comforted her with his hands and arms while she told him of her evening. They listened to relaxing music as Rae drifted off to the feel of Finn's fingers lightly sweeping back and forth along her spine.

When she awoke the next morning she was determined to help Tixie start caring for herself better. She was so scared for her friend after seeing her the previous evening. She called the hospital to speak to Tixie and was placed on hold a long while before anyone spoke on the other end of the line.

"Rae? Are you there, love?"

"Kester? Um. I was calling to speak with Tixie." she informed him.

"Yes, I know Rae." Kester sighed. "There's no easy way of telling you this. We found Tixie unresponsive in her room this morning. She's fallen into a coma, and the circumstances are quite dire."

Finn looked up from his paperwork when he heard the phone clamber to the floor. He ran over and picked up the phone before wrapping his arms around Rae. "Hello?" Finn asked into the phone.

Kester was good about explaining everything to Finn so he could understand what was happening to Rae's friend. Rae stopped hearing owt when Kester tried to tell her. He'd like to be able to answer any questions she asked him. It didn't sound very hopeful for her sick friend to pull through.

Finn had never met Tixie so he had no feelings about it one way or another as far as what was happening to her. However, it fell into the category of Rae's happiness, and that he cared about immeasurably. This required him to find interest in the well-being of Rae's friend because it effected Rae's well-being. When her happiness and well-being were threatened, Finn had to fix it. Those were the simple and logical lines that he followed from one point to the next.

Rae spent hours sitting at Finn's dining room table filling out his nan's insurance forms and legal paperwork. No matter how hard he tried, she wouldn't be torn away. She was like a woman possessed. She didn't eat, she didn't sleep, and she'd stopped speaking entirely.

Finn went so far as to attempt physically taking the papers away from her, only to have them ripped back out of his hands. She would sport a scowl for hours after growling at him. She also stopped looking at him again. He couldn't bear it.

"Why ya doing this, Rae? Why ya shutting me out?" he asked miserably.

"We can't have two." she said in an offhand tone.

"You what?" Finn asked, shocked she'd finally spoken, but not having the foggiest what she we're on about.

"Tixie is a foster kid. She's got no one to arrange things. We can't have two we're doing. I need to finish this." she told him absently, continuing to scribble on the forms. "I'm nearly there."

"Im sure someone will--"

"I _won't_ have her forgotten or treated as an after thought." she told him matter-of-factly. "They treat those kids like rubbish."

Finn stood behind Rae's chair, leaning down to kiss the crown of her head. "You don't have to do nan's, girl." he spoke gently.

"It's nearly there. Just a few more pages, love. Honestly it would take longer to explain it than to finish it." she told him. "Did you know she left you a trust fund?" she asked offhand.

"You what?" Finn laughed. "No, that can't be right. She weren't...she were a penny pincher. Thrifty and that."

Rae nodded her head. "It all went into investments. Beyond that she never spent a penny she didn't need to. Tucked it all away for her two boys." she smiled fondly, still focused on the paperwork.

Finn sat heavily onto the chair next to her. "No." he sounded puzzled.

"Yes." she said, finally meeting his eyes for the first time in days. "She had several rental properties here in town she's left to Paul. Then there was a couple she left to you." Rae shuffled through a pile of papers before handing him a few. "One in London and one in Brighton. Right along the beach."

"No." he repeated, shaking his head as he looked at the papers. "This isn't possible." Finn looked up at Rae as she straightened the pile of papers.

Rae reached out and placed her hand gently along Finn's jaw and pressed her lips against his. "I need to go to Tixie. I've left her alone for too long."

***

As it happened, Rae didn't get a whole lot of time with Tixie, but she and Danny were with her during her final moments. Tixie didn't die alone.

Rae worked with Kester concerning Tixie's funeral. Since she was a ward of the state his hands were tied when it came to any extravagance. Rae didn't care about extravagance, she just wanted her friend to have dignity.

She had stopped speaking again. She didn't leave her bedroom. Finn would climb through her window and hold her all night. Rae's tears fell unhindered, but she didn't make a sound. 

This would have been the third time Rae disappeared, but Finn filled the gang in on the reason for her absence, which in turn was the reason for his absence from the gang as well. He refused to let her be alone.

One day Finn took her to his and tucked her snuggly into his bed. Linda really didn't pay any mind to her daughter, which had always bothered him to no end. It seemed both their mothers binned them like the weekly rubbish, but at least his mum had the decency not to stick around after to watch the psychological damage it caused.

So, Finn took Rae away from Linda. If she didn't appreciate the loving creature that lay hurting and forgotten in an upstairs room of her gaff, then she had no right to keep her.

Finn spent a large part of Rae's first day there with her head cradled in his lap. She'd stopped eating again ages ago and still hadn't spoken in longer than he could remember. He discovered from Rae's elderly neighbour lady that her mum had been gone for weeks on some holiday. She had just left her daughter upstairs alone to mourn without so much as a goodbye.

Later that evening, when Finn laid next to her on his bed, she would burrow into him. She'd cling her whole body onto him and bury her head into his neck or chest. This was new behaviour, and he welcomed it. She would only lie there in the past, like he wasn't there.

She started balling the fabric of the clothes he was wearing in her fists. She refused to let him go. Not that he would ever leave her. 

Paul was getting worried for his son, and was beyond worried for their sweet Rae. She was their rock when his mother died. Took care of them both while they were mourning. She was family and he didn't know how to console her.

He would bring the kids food, but Rae never touched it. She would drink water from time to time, but nowt else. She just clung to Finn, tears silently leaking.

"I don't know how to stop being sad, Finn." She squeaked out one day.

Finn held her tighter, his chest buzzing to finally hear her speak again. "Time, girl. We'll get you there. You just need a bit more time." he told her, kissing the top of her head.

Rae nodded her head but said nowt. It was exhausting, all that talking.

"How about I draw a nice warm bath?" Finn suggested the next day. "A long soak always makes me feel loads better.

The response took quite a few moments but eventually Rae nodded head.

Finn filled the tub and led Rae into the water, stepping in behind her. He used a cup to wet her hair and took his time to soothingly rub Rae's head as he worked in the shampoo. Finn doted on her the entire time they were in the tub, making sure she were relaxed as she nestled into him under the warm water.

Finn noticed she was peering up at him from where her head was settled into his chest. He smiled down at her, tracing his thumb along her jaw.

"Love you." she said softly, reaching for his cheek.

"And I love you, my sweet, beautiful girl." he told her, kissing the palm of her hand.

***

Rae had awoken before Finn for once in the first time in ages. His lovely, long eyelashes ended as adorable freckles started to adorn his cheeks. Her beautiful Finn.

He had awoken to Rae strattling him and planting kisses all down his body. She couldn't stop herself. He was her everything. The amount of shite she put him through these past weeks was maddening. Lesser men would have left her.

The moment he had awoken he flipped her to the mattress and they made love all morning. Finn had missed this. Missed her. Of course he loved having sex, but he missed the connection it brought them much more. He was aching for her.

Sex was different with Rae than it had been with all the other birds he'd been with. It was more. It was real in a way he couldn't ever manage to explain to himself. He craved the feeling she produced in him when they made love. The look in her eyes that made him feel like he was the only person that mattered. He basked in the worth she made him feel about himself in those lovely, innocent eyes.

She had finally felt well enough to pop into the pub with Finn later that evening. The gang were chuffed to see them and Izzy hugged her so tight she thought she might need the jaws of life to get herself free. 

She was much more quiet than she normally was, not that it took much. Finn was right by her side, and instinctually fielded any questions when Rae felt too flustered. He still didn't allow Chloe anywhere near her. That was the last thing she needed her first night back.

Her spirits started to lift more and more in the coming days, and there were quite a few hints of their Rae that peeked through from the sad girl she was trying to shake off. College was starting in a couple of days, and it was hard for her not to feel some excitement.

***

Rae tried to not feel overwhelming anxiety as she looked up at the massive building. All the excitement she'd felt days earlier quickly turned to dread as she looked around at all the other students in the courtyard of the college. As Finn led her by the hand to the doors, the crowd managed to get impossibly thicker.

Rae tried to calm her nerves but it was getting difficult. As if on queue Finn had given her hand two quick squeezes and smiled brightly at her as she looked up at him. Her features softened as she took in his beautiful face. What once terrified her to look upon now brought her comfort like nowt else ever would.

She steeled her nerves and continued along for a few more paces when she saw summat that stopped her cold. There was a group of several nasty girls from her old school up ahead, and they had spotted her.

Rae let got of Finn's hand so fast it could have been on fire. "Gotta go to the loo!" she blurted, scurrying off and getting lost in the crowd before Finn properly knew what had even happened. She didn't even know where the loo was. Or her lessons for that matter. She just bolted off in the wrong direction and he couldn't find her when he finally managed to shake the rising tide of students.

Rae needed to get as far away from Finn as possible. She didn't want him embarrassed because of her his first day back to college. If she were going to be attacked by a gang of girls for starters, she didn't want any of the fallout to land on him. He didn't deserve any of it.

She were careful to stay away from swarms of students all day and kept her head down as best she could. When she were on lunch break she hid out in the back of the library and she didn't run into any of the gang all day. None of them needed to be harassed just because they knew her. She refused to drag them into that.

She waited until most everyone had left for the day before she crept down the empty corridor and out the front doors. Just as she heard the doors latch closed behind her, she ran into Finn.

"Oh! What ya still doing here? I would have thought you'd left by now." Rae blurted in surprise.

"Well I was waiting on ya." Finn told her with a look of concern. "I couldn't find you all day. You all right, girl?"

"Fine. Just got turned around and all. First day and that, innit?" she explained. She really was chuffed to see him after working so hard all day to avoid him. She just didn't want anyone seeing him with her, so she quickly continued on to the empty car park.

"Oi, where you going Rae?" he asked as he headed toward his motorbike but she continued walking quickly in a different direction.

"I thought you probably had homework and that. Figured it'd just go home a bit and leave you to it." she offered.

"You what?" Finn was extremely concerned about her behaviour now. What was going on in that head of hers? "Rae, what are you on about? You live at mine now. I've already moved your things, remember? Are you sure you're all right, girl?"

"Yeah. Fine! Sorry." Rae shook her head. "Muscle memory and all that I s'pose. Walking home after school." she explained as they headed toward his motorbike.

Once they got home, Rae visibly relaxed as she walked into their bedroom. She honestly did forget she lived there. He never did ask her if she wanted to move in. He just sort took her to his and moved her things in when she was mourning Tixie. Not that she minded at the time.

She was worried that he'd chuck her once his humiliation reached it's peak. She couldn't imagine it would take too many days at the college before he'd had it with her. His wrath wasn't very forgiving after all. She was completely bricking it. 

After all this time, it turned Chloe was right. How could she have been so utterly stupid? She could never publicly be Finn's girlfriend. She was a fat, mingy fool. A disgusting div. Just like Chloe told her she was.

Finn was rattled by her odd behaviour. He wasn't sure if it was too soon after Tixie to be around so many new people, or if it were summat more that was causing her to act so odd. He didn't like going that long without seeing her. He wanted to reassure himself that she was adjusting to her classes and ask how she liked her new lessons but she wasn't anywhere to be found all day. He was starting to panic that summat had happened to her by the end of the day when it took her so long to leave the building.

He decided observation was best. He would muck it all up if he went about asking her questions. She'd clam up worse than she already was if she thought he was accusing her of summat.

The following morning had been even worse for Finn than the day before. She'd dodged his hand then pulled back and ran off when he leaned in to give her a kiss goodbye. She may as well slapped him in the face for how gutted he felt.

The day before college started, they were getting on better than ever. He went over yesterday morning in his head and he couldn't think of owt that she could be upset with him about. 

He'd searched the corridors between lessons and came up empty. It was like his sweet girl learned how to turn invisible. She was just gone.

Lunch at the canteen faired no better. He was joined by Izzy, Archie and Chloe. "Has anyone seen Rae?" Izzy asked as she sat down at the table. "Finn?"

Finn shook his head. He didn't feel up to speaking. Especially since they just confirmed they hadn't talked to her either.

"I wanted to ask to her about a project in one of my classes. I have to design an outfit for midterm and I wanted to see if she could model for me." Izzy looked upset and concerned.

"Ooh! I can model for a dress!" Chloe blurted excitedly. She didn't seem the least bit concerned that everyone was worried about Rae. "That sounds proper exciting!"

Both Finn and Izzy rolled their eyes. "I'd rather talk to Rae about it first Chlo. I had summat specific in mind."

"Fine," Chloe said, slightly frosty, "but I'm sure you could just shrink down the pattern. You know she won't do it anyway. It'd save you loads of quid on fabric and all."

Everyone at the table was at a loss as how to respond to Chloe's blatant rudeness toward Rae.

"Belt the fuck up before I tape your whole bleedin head shut." Well almost everyone was at a loss. Finn didn't even bother to look at her. He knew he didn't need to.

Izzy put her hand over Finn's as they sat across from one another at the table. "All right, love?" she asked him softly. "I'm proper worried."

Finn just shook his head.

The gang sat quietly eating for a while before they heard someone call Chloe's name from a few meters away. Finn looked up to see a group of birds all hovering around to talk to her before he quickly lost interest and tried to ignore them.

"I can't believe how many girls from the high school are here. It's like a regular reunion!" one girl spoke excitedly.

"Oh, speaking of!" another girl cut in. "Did you see that fat minger Rae Earl had the nerve to start here? We've been keeping an eye out for her since we saw her yesterday morning. You seen her round?"

Everything clicked into place. Finn had a dawning realization of clarity as every question answered itself in the few brief seconds that tart was banging on.

"You're a twisted herd of mardy cows, you fucking lot are." Finn's voice cut through their laughter. He hadn't turned his head to look at them yet. His emotions were bubbling at the surface and he didn't know what he'd do if he saw their disturbing, gleeful faces as they spoke such contempt about the woman Finn held above all others.

"You what?" one girl had the nerve to look offended by his insult. "I ain't no fucking cow!"

"I meant to say, you lot are a bunch of manky slags." he spoke in a silky tone, finally looking in their direction. His body was radiating raw, unfiltered rage. His eyes pinned them all with looks of disgust and hatred. "You think you're turning any heads in your favour by being cruel, disgusting little twats? Rae Earl is worth more than a million of you worthless chavs." 

With that, he was finished paying them any mind. Birds like that deserved no attention. He'd already turned back to the table as both Izzy and Archie picked up where he left off and reamed all the birds new sets of arseholes as they scurried away through the canteen.

He had to find Rae.

***

Rae was scared to go home. She'd so thoroughly hidden herself that there were nowt left but to face the scolding if Finn found her. Not only that, the keys to her gaff were still in Finn's room. Her mum were still on holiday and she couldn't get in. She was rubbish at climbing so there were no way she could go through her window like Finn did.

She knew she needed to steel herself to face Finn and break it off wi' him, but the thought of it made her thoroughly heartbroken and she wasn't strong enough to face it. She needed him more than air, but she was poison for him. He deserved better than the worthless creature that she was. She loved him too much to make him suffer because of her.

Today after leaving school, she legged it out the doors before the last lessons let out. She was long gone well before Finn would even be out of his last class. Since she couldn't go home she went into the woods to the secluded patch of land where she loved to go to read. The trees were dense and shaded the area, and it were such an isolated spot that even if there were other people mucking about out here, they'd be hard pressed to stumble into her.

This continued on for days, Rae easily learned the route for giving everyone the slip. She knew she couldn't keep doing this. Or she at least least needed to talk to Finn before she continued to carry out her college career in this manner. He didn't deserve to be treated like she was treating him. She was a monster on top of being complete poison.

"Gotcha." a low, silky timber startled her from the entrance of her hidden cubby in the library.

"Finn." she breathed. Tears instantly prickling at her eyes as she took in his beautiful face. He looked worried and relieved and angry and happy all at once. All manner of emotions were etching themselves into his features.

"Come on out now, girl. I'm taking you home." he told her.

Rae shook her head, eyes full of fear. "No. I'm not ready. I don't want to." she wasn't ready to let Finn go yet.

"Come with me, my beautiful girl." Finn begged with his eyes as he outstretched his hand to her. "You're not well, my love."

Finn could see clear as day that she was beyond exhausted. He'd also worked out that she probably still wasn't eating. She'd stopped eating a while after Tixie died and then college started back and he'd lost track of her. She didn't come home and she weren't at Linda's. She was always forgetting her wallet and keys so he knew she wasn't carrying any money. She was borderline delirious from the look of her.

"I'm just fine." she huffed. I've just been busy and all."

"Come." he urged in a more commanding tone and watched as Rae near instantly placed her hand in his. Her eyes welling with tears.

He easily helped lift her to her feet as he wrapped a protective arm around her and led her out the door. Everyone was in the canteen and no one noticed the pair heading for the car park.

"Are we taking my things back to my mum's now?" she asked sadly.

"Why would we go doing that?" Finn indulged her. "We just got everything unpacked."

"We're breaking up, Finn." she told him as if he were thick.

"Don't be daft, ya numpty!" Finn let out a short laugh.

"Don't call me daft." she came to a halt and scowled. 

"I didn't mean it like that." he admitted sincerely. "But you're coming back to ours. We're going to sort this out. We're not breaking up."

"You can't decide that, Finn! If I want to break up with you there's nowt you can say about it." she spat, crossing her arms.

"All right girl." he said tightly, holding in his annoyance. "Let's still go back to ours. We've a lot to talk about." He continued to lead her to the car.

Finn led her up to their room when he got her home, guiding her to take a seat on the bed as he sat on his desk chair. He didn't want to crowd her or make her more nervous. "So tell me why you're chucking me."

Rae sat in silence for a few long moments. "I just think maybe we don't have much in common. We're not very compatible and all." she told him haughtily.

Finn smiled and shook his head with a snort. She was such a bad fucking liar. When lying to others, it was just short of terrible. When she tried to lie to him however, it was impossible for her. She'd never been able to. "So what's the real reason?"

Rae scowled and crossed her arms, refusing to look at him. She stood up and crossed the room, starting to gather her things and pack them up. "Fine, it's not you. It's me. Is that better?" she huffed.

"So it weren't nowt to do with them worthless slags from your old school who used to torture you? You didn't spot them and absolutely brick it the first morning of lessons?" 

Rae whipped around and looked at Finn with horror and shame. "You what? Has someone hassled you? Took the piss?"

"No Rae. I give sweet fuck all what anybody has to say to me. Cept for you. You're the only one that matters. And you been shutting me out. You won't let me help you get through this massive problem you're having." his voice was laced with hurt.

"You know what I felt when you left, Rae?" he asked. She meekly met his eyes. "Pure blind panic. You weren't here or at Linda's. I couldn't find you anywhere, you just disappeared." he admitted.

"I was dying without you Rae. My insides were screaming in pain and I can't bear to go through it again." he told her calmly.

Rae was expecting him to slice her up with that wicked tongue of his like he was so good at doing when people angered him. She wasn't prepared for him to be so calm and heartfelt.

"I just, I don't want you being embarrassed on account of me. They're so awful Finn, and you don't deserve to be harassed just because you know me. That's not fair for me to ask of you. I don't want to look at you one day and see how ashamed of me you are. That's what I can't bear to go through." she admitted in a small voice, not meeting his eyes.

"That will never happen." he said boldly, crossing the room to scoop her into his embrace.

"You can't know that. They're monsters. You don't deserve to be harassed because of me. They'll never stop, Finn. Just let me go." she told him miserably.

"Never." he commanded. "Besides, they've already been knocked down a peg or two by Izzy and Archie."

"You what?" she looked up at him in shock. "Oh no! This is exactly what I was trying to avoid! Now they'll never let up on you lot!"

"There's strength in numbers, girl. Besides, those slags haven't said a peep to us after that day. They turn the other way when they see us." he told her as he squeezed his arms tighter around her. "Even if they didn't, I would never allow them to harm you."

"What if ya grow to resent me?" she asked.

"Never." he told her confidently. "Now I'm going to go down and fix some nosh. You're going to eat it. Don't even try to tell me you're not hungry either."

By the time Finn returned, Rae had fallen into the best sleep she'd had in ages. When she awoke, she and Finn filled their bellies and he proceeded to show her exactly how much he loved her for the rest of the weekend.

Monday morning Finn and Rae entered the college hand in hand. Finn refused to let her go. He walked her to her first class and kissed her soundly. I'll be right here to meet you when your lesson is over, yeah? 

Rae nodded shyly, rewarding him with a coy smile. "See you soon." she told him before going into the classroom.

Finn was glad to have his girl back. He told her it didn't matter what any of the people here thought of him. He couldn't give a fuck about any of them beyond her Archie and Izzy. Not to mention as soon as they were done in this shite town they were off to London or Brighton. They'd never had to see any of these worthless toss pots another day of their life.

That thought alone went a long way toward lifting Rae's spirits. For some reason she couldn't figure out, Finn wanted to keep her. He wanted a future and a life with her, and he wasn't interested in hearing owt different on the matter. Finn loved her, and he never wanted to see her disappear again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you to all who decided to stick out the story and read it until the end. Though I'm working on other stories, this one is my first ever completed work. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.


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